Jerking my head back, I glared up at him, unsure about how the hell I was feeling. He liked me. He liked me? I wasn’t ready for this. It was what I wanted, what I should have wanted, but… “Aaron, why are you tellingmethis?”
That had him blinking. “Because I need to. I want youtoknow.”
“Butwhy?”
“Because you make me happy, Ruby. Because there’s no one else I want to bearoundmore.”
In any other circumstance, I might have fainted, but I didn’t. Every piece of my sanity was going nuts, and I couldn’t line everything up and put it back in order yet. Not while I had a thousand questions and insecurities bouncing around in my head. “But you don’t…,” I stammered, trying to think of why I would be ruining this moment and then remembering. “This was a realcrappyidea.”
His eyelids hung so low over his irises I almost couldn’t see them. “Why’s that?” he askedslowly.
“Because I’m crazy about you too, but this wouldn’t work out. I think I might have rather not known,” I told himhonestly.
“Why is this a bad idea? Why wouldn’t it work?” he whispered almostcautiously.
“Because!” I hissedathim.
“Becausewhat?”
“Because you know I want to get married someday,” I told him quickly. “And youdon’t.”
He raised aneyebrow.
“But mostly because you don’t want to tell me things for whatever reason,” I responded, almost quietly. “I care about you so much… I love you, Aaron, but I don’t want to get shut out. I told you yesterday. Every time I ask you something you don’t want to answer, you don’t. You tell me almost everything, I think, but the things you don’t….” I shrugged. “I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to know I’m here, even if it’s just as a friend. But I can’t love you when you just brood about things and bury them inside you. I get how it is, I get there’s a lot you don’t want to tell me because I wouldn’t understand, but I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff where that isn’tthecase.”
Aaron stared down at me for so long, I thought I’d made him change his mind, and I wanted to believe I would have been all right with that because I didn’t want to be with someone who held so much back from me. That wouldn’t be fair. But finally,finally, one palm left my waist and cupped the back of my head, gently coaxing it forward until my cheek rested against his pectoral. Aaron hugged me to him, his chest expanding greatly beneath me. His words were soft. “I’m sorry, Ru. You’re right. I shouldn’t. I’ve told you almost everything. What do you wanttoknow?”
There were multiple things, I knew there were. And I was glad he wasn’t pretending like there was just one. So I picked the big one, the one that had been turning my stomach for days, and Iasked.
“Who’s been calling the house makingyoumad?”
I felt his sigh beneath my cheek. “Mybirthmom.”
“Whathappened?”
He sighed again, the hand on the back of my head slid down my spine to land on my waist. “She’s been calling since she knows I’m back in the States,” he explained. “We don’t…. All right, I don’t like to talk to her or about her, I’m sorry. I’m sure you can tell from our messages. She left when I was little. She cheated on my dad. I remember her saying how unhappy she was. How it had been him that wanted kids and she was the one stuck at home raising us while he worked all the time. How we weren’t what she’d wanted out ofherlife.
“One day, she just upped and left. We didn’t hear from her or see her for the next six years, until I was thirteen. The only reason she tried to come back was to ask for more money than she’d gotten in the divorce. I hadn’t even known they’d gotten divorced,youknow?”
I squeezed my eyes closed and nodded into him, focusing on the arms at mysides.
“About ten years ago, she came back again, claiming she’d found religion again and said she wanted to have a relationship with us. She talked my brother Colin into it, but Paige and I didn’t fall for her shit. We know how things are with her. She only comes around when she wants something from my dad, mostly money, once a car. She’s been calling the house, and I know that’s what she’s working up to, and it just… it pisses me off, Ruby. It messes with my head. She broke my dad when she left. She….” He let out another breath. “But he got over it and moved on and… some days, I stillcan’t.”
I knew what it was like to not have two parents around at the same time, but my dad had always been a call away. Always. “I’m sorry,Aaron.”
He shrugged in front of me. “I’m sorry for not telling you. I don’t talk about it. Her. You know whatImean.”
“I might have not wanted to tell you either,” I admitted to him. “I’m sorry she’s like thatthough.”
“I told you, the crazy ones like me. It runs in the family,” he said, almost like he was trying to makeajoke.
“I’m not crazy and I like you,” I told him, trying to sound like I was joking when I reallywasn’t.
Aaron pulled me in close to him again, his mouth lowering so that he could speak directly into my ear. “You’re not crazy. You’re the best, and you deserve better than me, but I hope youdon’tcare.”
I was not going to have a panic attack or much less faint. Not me. Not me. Maybe I’d just slide to the floor, worst case.This is not a dream, I told myself.I repeat, this is not a dream. You areawake.
I didn’t want to believe him. I reallydidn’t.But…
