I didn’t even bother rushing to look at my cell phone screen. Anyone texting me knew that after six o’clock, I was usually in work mode. If it was something important, they could call. It wasn’t for another half hour, until I was done cutting out giant triangle-like shapes on the second fabric I was using, that I dragged my cell over the worktabletowardme.
And then Isawit.
AHALL80 SENT YOU AMESSAGE
My heartleapt.
And as quickly as it leapt, it seemed to seize up in a way it hadn’t inyears.
It had been two weeks since the Skype app had been opened on my phone, much less on my computer. Two weeks in which I’d tried to stop thinking about this man I’d been forced into a friendship with through a foundation. Fourteen nights where every time I lay in bed—and every time I had a spare moment to think—I thought about those damn Xs and Os. Mostly though, I thought about the man I’d gotten to know, and I wondered if he had gotten home okay and tried not to miss his messages and e-mails.
I’d put my foot in my mouth plenty of times in my life, but what I’d done in our last conversation was at the top. So far at the top, I didn’t know how something else would everbeatit.
Knowing my luck, I’d jinxed myself by just thinking about it, but I shoved that possibility to the back of my mind forlater.
I had more important things to think about. Like Aaron messaging me after weeks. Like he’d said he would. After I pretty much told him I was sending him hugs and kisses like astalker.
Since talking to my sisters about it, I’d wondered if I was overthinking it. Maybe he hadn’t even read it? Or if he had read it, he didn’t take it to mean I was ready to have his babies or was secretly in love with him and playing it cool. I told myself not to linger over not hearing from him for weeks; I’d heard about the layovers the soldiers faced when they were flying back from overseas deployments. It wasn’t like they had nonstop flights. When I wasn’t telling myself not to overthink our last IM session and worry I’d never hear from him again, I told myself that if I never heard from him again, I wouldbefine.
But every time I thought of never hearing from him, it made my heart ache a little. More than a little. It made me feel like I had indigestion, and I’ve never hadindigestion.
But I’d understand if he never contacted meagain.
Iwould.
My sister Jasmine was a different person when she was in the middle of training for a competition coming up. Every aspect of her life changed during those periods. If he didn’t have time to be my friend once his life was back to normal on base in the States, I couldn’t hold it against him. Time was something you couldn’t just give out freely. It wasprecious.
So whenAHALL80flashed across my cell phone screen again with(2)next to his name, my heart practically did a shimmy I hadn’t feltsince…
I wasn’t going to thinkaboutit.
I’d been worried about him. He’d been flying across an ocean. There was nothing off about being happy your friendwasokay.
And that was what I was going to keep tellingmyself.
Forever.
Because that was all I was ever going to have, and I just needed to live with it like I’d beendoing.
Setting aside my scissors and the pile of banana print I’d just finished with, I unlocked the screen and tapped on the notification icon, ignoring the spike of excitement and relief at his name on myscreen.
I had this.I had this. He wouldn’t be writing me if I’d done irreparable damage to ourfriendship.
And that was another thing I was going to keep tellingmyself.
* * *
June10,2009
7:49p.m.
AHall80:Hey
AHall80:I’malive
RubyMars:Is itreallyyou?
AHall80:Heh.Yeah.
