Oh, lord.
"I'm back, biatch." Nicole greeted me a couple minutes later, saddling up next to me.
Suddenly, I realized that Nikki wasn't holding a video or a magazine for him to sign when it was her turn, like all the other women in line. "What is he signing?" I asked her suspiciously.
"My ass, Kat. What else?" she replied, like I was an idiot who should have known the answer. Out of nowhere, she tugged down one side of her jeans to a patch of tan skin right to the side of her ass crack.
"Classy."
Vivaciously, a guy with frosted tips and a ton of gel appeared behind the signing table, waving his hands. "Ladies! Calum will be here in one minute to begin his autograph session! Thank you for being patient!" he yelled into the crowd.
Nikki squealed like a pig, and started hopping around like a cracked-out rabbit. She was acting more like our friend Zoey than herself, but it was too funny to ruin my fun by laughing at her and making her self-conscious. I made a note in my brain to do things like this in order to get the same reaction out of her more often.
She spotted the tall, blonde mop of curly hair coming down the walkway first. The man was easily six four, if not taller, and built like a linebacker. Personally, I was more of a fan of soccer players' bodies, with their lean muscles, but who the hell gave a crap when hotness incarnate wasrightthere. He was wearing a t-shirt that was a size too small, accentuating the broad, thick muscles of his chest, arms, and back. What surprised me was the big, goofy smile on his face while he made his way up to the booth.
"I'm gonna go over there, okay?" I told Nikki, but by the glazed-over look in her eye, I knew I could tell her I was born a hermaphrodite and she wouldn't bat an eyelash. I stepped out of line, and went to stand closer to the empty booth on the opposite side. The girls in line were going insane. Who knew Calum Burro was the heartthrob of older, horny women?
He sat down, started signing autographs, and talked to his fans, all with a big smile plastered on his dimpled face. Nicole's eyes were frozen to his body. I laughed at the intensity of her glare. I was leaning my butt against the empty table behind me, my ankle crossed over my other foot, when I felt that familiar creep of fabric going up my ass. My eyes were still so glued to the pure happiness radiating from my best friend that I didn't even feel my traitorous hand reaching behind me to pull out my wedgie until it was too late.
"Digging for gold?" the person I didn't see standing next to me, asked.
In a perfect world, I would have turned around and come face to face with a snot-nosed, middle-aged man in desperate need of Proactiv. Oh, how I wished then that my life was based in a perfect world, so my embarrassment would have been apparent, but ultimately, who cared? My ideal Peeping Tom would have been notorious for digging for gold in his noseandass. I could live with that.
Unfortunately, this wasn't a perfect world. In the real world, I peed on myself sometimes when I sneezed and got tickled, I usually farted when I first woke up, and I'd also heard my dad and mom doing the dirty tango in third grade. I swung my head around to look at the witness to my wedgie pulling, when I came face to chest with a very tall guy. I had to look up, and then farther up, up, and up to find the prettiest emerald eyes I'd ever seen looking right at me. They were so bright, they reminded me of the Bright Light toy I had as a kid that lit up the colored pegs magically. Those eyes were set into the most perfectly created face of all time, all high cheekbones, chiseled jaw, and full, pink lips.
Those pouty lips morphed into an amused smirk. "Did you find a golden nugget?" the rich, velvet voice asked me.
"Uh..." My fingers were still pinching the material of my godforsaken yoga panties out of my butt crack, and my face felt like there was a wildfire going on beneath my cheeks. And cue the word vomit. "I wish."
OhmyGod. What was wrong with me? The words slipped out of my mouth at the same time that I finished pulling out my wedgie, because I had already gotten caught, so why stop? I was firmly aware that a normal person would have denied picking at their underwear, but there I was going along with it.
The guy laughed, a deep, throaty sound that should be illegal in fifty states, and his eyes sparkled from underneath the rim of a worn-in, green baseball cap that hid his hair. His face was really way too pretty, so it was weird how disarming his smile made me feel. He eyed my flaming blush, and then gave me a convincingly bashful smile. "I'm sorry, that was rude of me," he apologized. "I tend to say stupid shit all the time."
"It's okay. I say and do stupid shit all the time, too." I tried to say as evenly as I could, but I was a humiliated mess. It's one thing to pull out a wedgie in front of Nikki, Zoey, or Josh, my other closest friend, but a hot, complete stranger? There was no doubt in my mind that God was laughing at me right then.
His entire frame, what seemed to be around six foot two or six foot three, turned toward me, with a narrow waist and broad shoulders that blocked any view from his other side. I could tell he was muscular underneath the black hoodie he had on, but his gaze was so intense that I forgot for a second where we were. "Are you here for an autograph?" he asked, with a raise of a dark eyebrow.
"What?No!I'm waiting for my friend," I said, pointing at the five foot ten blonde in line. I felt embarrassed for some reason that he assumed I was standing in line for an autograph from a porn star, but really, we were both at a porn convention, so neither one of us had room to judge the other. "Are you here for an autograph?"
What the fuck was wrong with me, I wondered. I wished there was a version of Pepto Bismol for verbal diarrhea, because I'd invest in it. My awkward social skills weren't a problem when I was around people I knew. They were well aware of the fact that I spouted shit out of my mouth without thinking quite often.
He laughed again, this time a little louder, but quieted down after a second, looking at the growing line in front of us like he was worried about someone catching him laughing. "No, I'm waiting for my friend, too," he said, with a big smile, perfect white teeth displayed.
I wanted to ask him which slut in line was his friend but I didn't. I also wondered silently to myself why such a good-looking male specimen was at a porn convention. This guy didn't need porn to get off, he could easily just flash that perfect face at any girl. I was sure they'd flock to him like he was a bitch in heat and they, the girls, were the male dogs looking to mount. We just looked at each other for a moment, not saying a word, before I nodded and turned back to look for Nicole, who was next in line to get an autograph from the inspiration of the majority of her masturbatory dreams. She grinned then, looking slightly like a lunatic. The girl talking to Calum started walking away, and I saw Nikki's face transform from her crazed look into the confident, assured Nicole that I knew and loved.Oh shit.
She leaned over the table to talk to him, voluptuous ass on display for everyone in line to see. A second later, Calum stood up and walked around the table while Nikki started tugging down the back of her jeans.
"What is she doing?" the stranger whispered, leaning to the right, making it so that he was closer to me.
"She wants him to sign her ass," I snorted, watching Calum drop to a knee so her butt was in his face. The girls in line were going ballistic, and I had a sudden fear there was going to be a riot.
He was up a minute later, grinning like a goof, and Nicole looked up at him saying who knows what, until his face turned bright red. She then slipped something into his back pocket, her hand lingering on his ass longer than necessary. She turned and sauntered toward me, her hazel eyes locking on each of the women in line, like she dared them to say something to her. Fortunately, none of them had a death wish, so no one said anything to her.
The guy next to me chuckled. "Well, I'll be damned, she made Calum blush."
I wanted to ask him why he thought that was funny, but Nikki was in my face a split second later, smirking. "What did you tell him?" I asked her.
"I told him I wanted to look for his g-spot with my tongue."
