If granny knew what I did in her bed she’d probably be horrified but there’s also the chance that she’d be relieved. I’d be one step closer to getting married and continuing the line. She wouldn’t understand what I feel for Julian.
I’m fucking obsessed.
It’s like a switch flipped in me.
I want him. I need him. I crave him.
I look out the bathroom door to my room. Julian’s there, turning down the bed. He’s gone back to fussing over me again and I’m content to let him as long as he’s near. I sink lower in the bath that he ran for me and breathe in the scent of roses. The oil is my granny’s, he brought it back with us when we left her room. I wince thinking about the mess we made in her room. I’ll have to soak the sheets and pray for a miracle to get the blood out. There was so much blood. It looked like someone had bled out. I didn’t realize I’d bled that much. I’m only a human woman, I hadn’t paid attention with Julian fucking me.
I lift the washcloth and go back to scrubbing my arms and neck. I got the blood off by now, the water has turned pink from it. But there’s still blood on Julian.
“Come in here with me,” I tell him when he’s done with the bed.
Julian doesn’t hesitate. He comes to me and gets right in the bath. I move to make room for him as I stare in awe at him. Being with him is like being with a dangerous animal poised to strike at any time. The closest thing I can compare it to is swimming with sharks. I know he wouldn’t hurt me, but he could.
He could kill me without even breaking a sweat. I pour soap onto the washcloth and wash the blood off of his face and shoulders. I hand him the washcloth so I can work on his hair. Julian leans back to let me shampoo and condition his hair. I run fresh warm water to rinse his hair and run my fingers through the clean strands. When we’re done, it’s Julian that gets a towel to dry me off. He won’t let me do it for him, so I have to stand patiently while he dries my hair and gets me the clothes that I picked out earlier.
I stare at the pair of sweats and the tank top. Only two hours have passed, it’s just past midnight now. It’s a new day. Appropriate for the way I feel. It’s like Julian has opened an entirely new world up for me.
“There’s clothes in the bottom drawer that would fit you,” I tell him.
Julian makes a face because we both know who’s clothing would be down there but he pulls out a pair of pajama pants with a shrug. “I’ll make these look better than their last owner did.”
I laugh and get into bed. “You do,” I tell him. “They’ve never looked better.” Julian turns the light off and is in bed before I’ve even settled under the covers. “You need to warn me when you’re going to do that.”
“Why? Does it make you nervous?”
“Yes, I’m human, remember?”
He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. “You don’t have to be,” he says. I feel him nuzzle into the side of neck.
I don’t say anything to his implied offer to turn me into a vampire. It’s a tempting thought. Eternal life and all that. Even more so after what happened between us, and especially so since Julian cracked my chest wide open and set up shop where my heart is supposed to be.
“You will stay with me. Say it.”
I relax into his arms with a sigh. I said forever and I meant it. Where else would I go? Nothing made sense until Julian walked into my life. He took all the confusion away tonight. Except for…except for what might happen if I had to go in front of some spoiled, stupid-ass vampire council who decided they wanted Vesper House. If they asked for Vesper House in exchange for eternity of peace, could I do it?
Forever.
If he changed me, I could keep my promise of forever. We would have all the time in the world, wouldn’t we? So much more than the fifty or so years I have left as a human. What will he do when I’m old?
I tremble and burrow deeper under the blankets. Julian’s arm tightens around me and grounds me. His touch pulls me out of the internal crisis I just pitched head first into at the thought of leaving him over the fate of Vesper House. If the council asked for it…no, I wouldn’t be able to do it. They’d try and kill me. Give me whatever the fuck the Final Death is that Julian mentioned, and that meant Julian would go to war with them. I start to feel queasy again. I take in a deep breath and clear my mind until little by little I calm down and my sickness abates. When I’m composed, I slip my hand under his, and Julian threads our fingers together like he was waiting for my touch. He almost feels warm.
“You can be anything you want, Maris, as long as you’re mine.”
“I know,” I tell him softly.
Thirty-Six
MARIS
When I wake up I’m alone. I turn on my back and look up at the arched shell canopy of my bed. Grey morning light filters into my room with the soft sound of rain. The storm is still here. I take a deep breath and sit up. For a second, I’m not sure last night happened.
It feels like a dream. I touch my neck where Julian bit me but there’s no marks. Of course there aren’t. It’s when I get up that a folded piece of paper slips from the bed and onto the floor in front of me. I stand there looking down at it like it’s a snake that might strike. I toe at the paper and see there’s writing on the other side.
It’s a letter.
“Julian,” I whisper. I bend down and snatch it up, eager to see what he might have left me.
