“Sweetie,” he said. “I knew right away.”
“And when you said that back to me in your text—Sweetie—I knew that you knew,” she said, laughing a little even though her voice shook. “Get down and dirtywas inspired.”
“I love you madly,” he said. “That part was real.”
But she was shaking her head, stopping as they reached Bobby’s car. “Jim, no…”
“Yeah,” he said. “And I know that doesn’t change anything, I know it’s too late, I know I screwed up, but… Ashley, I wish you could at least think about forgiving me. I wish I could explain. I just felt so freaking lost, it was like I was in this giant hole, falling into the darkness, and I had no idea when I was gonna hit the bottom, or how terrible it was gonna be when I splattered, so all I could think was, why would you want me whenIdon’t even want me anymore…?”
She started to cry. “You can’t tell me that. You’re not allowed to say that, and make me feel responsible for—”
“No, please,” he said. “Don’t feel responsible. That’s not why I told you. I’m trying to be honest about what I’m feeling, and I’m not very good at it… But I’m okay. Really. I’m gonna be okay. Everything’s gonna be okay. Because nothing could ever be as bad as it was when I was standing out here, thinking this motherfucker was going to kill you. That would’ve been unbearable. This? All of this is just a road-bump, compared to that. This, I can handle.”
But she didn’t stop crying. “I’msoangry at you. I just can’t pretend that you didn’t…”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her, he couldn’t not. And she kissed him back—until she pushed him away.
“I can’t,” she said again. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I just hoped…”
“Thank you for saving my life,” she said. “But I can’t.”
“It’s okay,” he told her. And because he could see Colleen coming down the stairs, ready to unlock her car to let Ashley in, he walked to his truck, got in, and drove away.
Just like he’d promised Dunk.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Two months later
Luke O’Donlon and his wife Syd were having a baby shower.
Jim had gotten an invite to the party weeks ago, and he’d almost tossed it—the details of where and when, that is. He’d already bought into a group gift being given by SEAL Team Ten—they were rebuilding the side room on the O’Donlon’s tiny house, turning it into a combination nursery and playroom.
He was still close to the guys in the team, even though his active duty SEAL days were officially over.
He was doing okay. Mostly.
But as he looked again at that invitation that he’d stuck onto his refrigerator door with a magnet—its cartoon stork and bright letters informing him that the gathering was at the O’Donlon’s house on Saturday afternoon—he took out his phone and called Colleen Taylor.
She answered the way she always did—and he’d called her so often over the past few months that they’d become friends. She didn’t bother with a greeting. She just—boom—instantly jumped into the conversation. “You coming to the party this weekend?”
“Thinking about it,” he said. Colleen had told him a week ago that Ashley was planning to attend. Normally that meant he would stay away. “What doyouthink?”
“What doIthink?” she asked. “Or what do I thinkAshleywill think, and oh my God, how did I end up back in middle school?”
“I’m trying to be careful,” he said. “Respectful. Un-asshole-ish.”
“I could send her a note.Will you hate it if Jim also attends a party given in honor of one of his best friends? Check the box: Yes, I’m heartless and cruel. No, of course not, I expect him to be there.”
“Mock me, I don’t care. Last thing I want is to make her think I’m stalking her, a la Brad.”
“Ooh, that reminds me,” she said. “Ashjusthad lunch with him, last Wednesday, I think.”
“She had lunch,” he repeated. “WithBrad. Like, he called her and said,Let’s have lunchand shewent…?”
“I… think he emailed her, but basically, yeah,” Colleen said.
