“I didn’t saythat, either.”
“I’m paraphrasing,” he said. “But you’re right. Nothing’s ever going to fucking change unless you do something to fucking change it.”
“Why does it have to be me?” Ashley shot back. “Why don’tyoufucking change it?”
Jim smiled tightly. “Well, well,thereshe is.”
“No, she is not,” she countered. “And what doesthatmean, anyway? That letting myself react in anger—which, again—news-flash—changes nothing—is somehow more genuine than not…? That’s just not true.”
“I think you’re afraid to get angry. Like, really melt-down, brain-boiling angry.”
Ashley laughed her disgust. “And I thinkyou’reafraid of… quite possibly nearly everyotheremotion. Including—especially—intimacy.”
“I didn’t realize intimacy was an emotion,” he said.
“You know what I meant,” she said. “Anger is just a cover for fear. And you’re terrified. And you know what? I am, too, but at least I admit it!” That verbal punch hit him hard—she could see it on his face as he flinched—and she immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry.”
He swore again. “Don’t apologize! You’re always apologizing! And I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. I know how freaking hard this whole camp thing has been for you, and I made it worse by kissing you in front of a goddamned audience.”
“Hello,” she said. “I was there, too. So you can beat yourself up all you want, but hey, I wasn’t exactly fighting you off.”
“Because youdon’tfight! You don’t let yourself get angry, and you don’t fight! You just fucking surrender!”
He was right, it was true. In the car, she’d immediately surrendered, instead of arguing. Instead of saying,This thing between us is pretty darn hot, and I hear you, but I’d really like to see where this could go…
“You’re right,” she whispered now. “I give up far too quickly, don’t I?”
“Hell, yeah,” he said. And then he surprised her by running both hands down his face as he made a noise of both annoyance and frustration before admitting, “And you’re right, too. I’m scared out of my mind!”
It wasthatlook—the vulnerability—in his eyes that gave her the courage to do it. To take a step forward, and then another.
He saw her coming—she sawthatin his eyes, too. And at first it was an expression of disbelief, and if that’s all she’d seen she might’ve stopped herself. But then it turned to heat. It was a reflection of everything she was feeling—everything she wanted.
So she reached up and pulled his head down and she kissed him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jim knew that he shouldn’t kiss her back.
He knew it, but he didn’t let that stop him as he pulled Ashley hard against him, one hand wrapping around her waist and the other against the smoothness of her face, fingers tangling in the softness of her hair as he damn near inhaled her.
Because in the cosmic scheme of things, what did it matter? Why not have a moment or two of pleasure while he could…?
She seemed to want what he wanted, so… fuck it.
As they kissed and kissed and kissed andkissed, Jim thought—a few times—about her penchant to surrender. And he wondered—briefly—if this was that. The path of least resistance. Yeah, he could tell she was uncomfortable doing this here, in Dunk’s outer office. But other than looking hard at the door to make sure it was locked after he’d backed them into it to latch it, she kinda wasn’t hesitating.
True, she didn’t exactly unfasten his shorts to stroke him. But when he pulled her with him onto the sofa so that she was straddling him, she definitely pressed even closer, rubbing herself against his length. And she voluntarily adiosed her shirt, pulling it swiftly over her head and tossing it onto what Jim would forever think of as the grandpa-chair—the one that wasn’t as mushy as the others, and had solid arms so he could use his shoulders to help his less-than knees lift his body weight.
It was possible that, after they did this, whether it be make-out session or sex—he still wasn’t sure whether or not she was going to stop them, but he knew damn well that sheshould—he was going to have to ask Ashley’s help in pulling himself back up, off the soft couch.
And the shame of that added extra fuel to his fuck-it philosophy. His future was gonna be filled with pain of all kinds, but right now…? As Ashley made things more interesting by unfastening the front clasp of her bra…? Right now was pretty freaking awesome.
The marks she’d gotten from the paintball game were already mostly faded, but even with them, she was unbelievably perfect.
Her breasts were soft and delicious, and his mouth and lips on her nipples—first one than the other as he kissed and licked and sucked and breathed in her sweet scent—made her gasp and softly moan.
But then she pulled back, and Jim braced himself for what had to be coming—a breathless confession that they’d gone too far but now sanity had intervened and they really had to stop.
