“That could be fun. Visiting them…?” Ashley said as he climbed behind the wheel.
The look he shot her was filled with amusement. “You and I have different definitions offun.” He pulled out onto Tamiami Trail—the main road, heading south. There wasn’t much traffic this time of night and it wouldn’t take them long to get back to the camp.
Ashley cleared her throat.About that kiss…But when she opened her mouth, she couldn’t say the words. Besides, she was curious. “So… where do you think of ashome?” she asked instead.
“Wherever the Teams are,” he said without hesitation. But then he laughed. “I guess I learned early on thathomeisn’t a place—an apartment or a house or even any specific town or city. That was always temporary—and it still is. Give me a tent and a bedroll, and I’ll be happy. I mean, yeah, a toilet and a shower’s always nice, but… When I was a kid, the only truly consistent thing in my life was the ocean—the smell of the spray, the sound of the waves, that mind-expanding stretch of the endless horizon. God, it’s still… It’s where I can breathe. So, oddly enough, I’m most grounded on a ship with no land in sight.”
Ashley realized that she’d been holding her breath—his words had been so heartfelt and even poetic. “That’s amazing that you know that. You know, about yourself. That’s…” It wasn’t just poetic—it was profound. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt grounded. Not like that.”
After her mother had died, they’d moved. Closer to the city so her father’s commute was shorter. To a house that had accommodations for a live-in nanny.
It had been such a stupid, unnecessary accident. Her mother had been home alone. Ashley had been at some god-awful overnight ballet retreat, Clark had gone next door to the neighbors’ for a play-date, and her father had been out of town on business. Mom had been storing her gardening tools in the garage for the winter, and one of the hooks in her pegboard must’ve come out, because she’d gotten out the ladder, probably to try to fix it. She must’ve lost her balance because she fell and hit her head on the concrete floor. The neighbor had finally called the police at six o’clock, after Mom was two hours late to pick up Clark. Mom was still alive when they found her and rushed her to the hospital, but… it was too late, her head injury had become too severe in the time that she’d been lying there, and they couldn’t save her.
Ashley hadn’t blamed her father for not wanting to live in that house where her mother had died, but for her, nowhere else had ever felt like home again. But it wasn’t the house, it was the fact that her mom was gone.
“Home is where the heart is,” she murmured. Except, she’d lost her heart too many times.
Jim was nodding. But then he cleared his throat. “Hey, can I, um, bring up an, uh, awkward-ish topic…?”
She glanced at him, knowing immediately what was coming. “Of course.”
“I’m sorry about before,” he said. “I shouldn’t’ve kissed you. As your instructor that’s… well, you’re here to learn from me. And yeah, you’re the team leader, but I hold the position of power. I’m sure I violated about a dozen of Dunk’s rules, but more importantly, I stepped all over my own code of ethics and, you know, honor. So that was not okay, and, uh, well, I really do apologize.”
Ashley nodded silently becauseIt’s okay, because I really didn’t mindwas not the right response to their both having broken a SEAL World rule, with all of its potentially legally fraught implications. And yet, her time here was up in just a few short days. But before she could find the words to point that out, he continued.
“And after your session’s over,” he said and she started nodding, because, yes, after this was over, they’d both be back in the greater San Diego area, “I would really,reallylike to—”
And here it came.Meet you for coffee, take you out to dinner, kiss you again until our clothes fall off and I’m deep inside of you, making you come…“God, I would really like that, too,” she said in a rush, speaking over him.
Except thatwasn’twhat he was saying. “—use you as a resource as I feel my way through maybe making the decision to go to law school. Oh, good. I’m glad you’re okay with that. I mean, someday, right? I’m still hoping for a few more years with the Teams, but my expiration date is definitely approaching. And I like you, I do, you’re incredible—you’re smart and funny and… But my track record is abysmal and… I want us to stay friends, Ashley, and I definitely don’t want to mess that up by starting something that can’t last.”
Oh, God. Oh, crap… “Of course,” Ash heard herself say instead ofNo—are you crazy…? With heat like that, who cares if it lasts…?Except, shedidcare. And as long as she didn’t look at it directly, she could pretend that she cared—like Jim—about staying friends with him. Instead of caring about it lasting in aThey lived happily ever afterkind of way.
But, now that they’d decided to be friends, she could ask him, as his alleged friend: “So you have a bad track record, too, huh?”
The look he shot her was a mix of amusement and chagrin. “Terrible. I suck as a boyfriend—or so I’ve been told at rather high volume. It’s just not in my skill set to, well, suffer fools gladly.” He winced. “Which is not to say the women I’ve dated are fools. That’s not how I meant that. I just… I tend to choose badly, without looking beyond the, you know, shiny… outer… pretty… Which, when I say it out loud, means thatI’mthe fool, or… Maybe, you know, my picture should be in the official idiom’s guide, next to the entry forLove is blind. OrLust is blind. Yeah, cause, you know…” He cleared his throat. “But then reality catches up to me and… Everyone I fall for turns out to be, well, a little crazy. Not, like, capable-of-stalking-me crazy, though. Which reminds me. I got a text from the Chief—Bob Taylor. He told me you OKed his request to put a coupla security cameras at your place, so I gave him a little guidance as to what and where—I hope you don’t mind.”
“No,” she said. “That’s… great.”
“One’s inside, in your living room, and one’s right outside the front door. Both small and hidden. It was cheap and easy—and connected to your wireless. You can watch ’em through an app on your phone. Here.” He handed her his cell. “I set up the account and tried it out while we were in the waiting room, while you went to find food. It comes with a free month of digital recording—that’s where it gets pricey. The monthly fee to keep the camera’s footage for longer than a few hours is pretty steep… But it’s free for this trial period and… Hopefully we’ll catch this guy before you fly back home.”
Ashley opened the app on his phone. And there it was. Two little windows to her life back in California. The first was labeled “A’s front door,” and it let her see the outside covered corridor that led to her second floor apartment, warmly lit by the overhead lighting. The second was “A’s LR,” and yup, there was her tidy little living room. Bobby must’ve left the light on over by the door, because that room was lit, too—and it was already night on the west coast.
“Thanks for doing this,” she murmured to Jim.
“Not a problem,” he said. “In fact, it’s kinda my wheelhouse. Gotta let me bring something to this friendship, right?”
“Yeah,” Ashley said and somehow managed to smile.
Friendship. Right.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The party in the lounge—an impromptu celebration of Lucky’s good news that his wife Syd was indeed pregnant—had wound way down. Jim held the door for Ashley, then followed her in.
The father-to-be was nowhere in sight. He had, apparently, already called it a night. In fact, the youngsters—Thomas and Rio—were alone at the bar. Except, no. Douches one and two—Bull and Todd—were also there, huddled at the table in the corner. Jesus, confronting them about firing on their own team leader during the paintball game was the dead last thing Jim wanted to do right now.
Please God, let them have the good sense to leave…
