It was a little surreal, sitting here, actually talking about this. If she’d asked,Do you want to stay in the Navy as a SEAL, he’d respond without hesitation. That question was as absurd asDo you want to continue breathing?Absolutely, yes.
But that’s not what she’d asked. There was a silent part to her question which wasIf you can’t continue to do the very hands-on, physically grueling work of a SEAL…
Jim went with the truth. “I don’t know. As anything besides a SEAL…? Sitting behind a desk…?” He shook his head in frustration and tried to move the focus off of himself. “How do you know so much about JAG anyway?”
“There’s a military recruiting office in the strip mall where I work,” she told him. “I’ve had lunch a few times with one of the chiefs.”
“Oh,” he said as he realized ofcourseshe was dating someone—how could this womannotbe dating someone? She was beautiful and smart and funny and kind…
“Also,” she continued with a slightly mischievous smile that lit her up completely, “when I was a kid, I watched a TV show about a JAG lawyer. Lawyer shows tend to be hyper-fictional—the law is actually brain-numbingly slow-moving, so shows about lawyers aren’t exactly reality based. Even courtroomaction—” she made air quotes “—is deadly slow. But this show had lots of eye candy that was perfect for a twelve-year-old. Those white uniforms…”
“My closet is filled with them.” Andthatcame out sounding weirdly flirtatious, which wasn’t his intention. Although at the news that she was dating someone, he’d immediately flashed back to the late morning, when they’d paired up to go through the O-course.
Unlike Bull, Jim had been careful about where he’d put his hands on Ashley, working hard to make sure his touch was both respectful and impersonal. But there had been a moment that had rattled him and stuck now in his memory—in fact, it was playing on repeat—as he’d helped her over the cargo net. They’d made the climb easily, with him cradling her entire body—his arms around her, her back against his front. She was essentially sitting on his lap as they ascended the netting together, his mouth just beside her ear as he’d instructed her how to move with him—to keep the ropes taut and stable.
As businesslike as he’d tried to be, he hadn’t been able to keep from noting how perfectly she fit against him, and how freaking good it felt to hold her close like that.
And how crazy-good she smelled…
Then, just suddenly, likebang, as they’d reached the top and maneuvered their way to the other side, every time he touched her it seemed to burn his hands, and on their way back down he was hyper-aware of all of the places they were skin-to-skin—her arms against his, the calves of their legs… And right before they hit the sand, she turned her head and his face and lips were pressed against the softness of her neck, where he actually tasted the salt of her sweat, and his head had damn near exploded.
And he stupidly—stupidly—landed wrong in his haste to not, like, lick her or nuzzle more deeply into her neck or do something equally and insanely inappropriate. And because of that, he’d twisted the crap out of his knee.
Jesus, he was an idiot.
Jim now cleared his throat and attempted to explain. “If I stayed in, went the JAG route, at least I wouldn’t have to buy a bunch of new suits.” Okay, now he just sounded stupid. But that was fine, because he clearlywasstupid. Stupid to twist his knee, and stupid to think that she wasn’t dating someone—a chief in the Navy, to boot.
Freaking chiefs ran the Navy—capable and down-to-earth, reliable and steady…
But Ashley was nodding as if his weird mention of the dress unis that filled his closet actually made sense. “Sometimes when I can’t decide what to do,” she told him, “I make a list of all the little things that come to mind—both pro and con. I mean, it’s pretty clear you want to stay in, but as a SEAL. And yeah, you won’t have to buy a new wardrobe if you go the JAG route, but… Will putting on your uniform every day smack you in the face with a reminder of what you can’t be anymore…? How are you going tofeel?”
Oh, Jesus. Seriously…?
She kept going. “But on the other hand, you’ve been in the Navy for years and you know how the military system works, it’s familiar. Corporate America is very different—you’ll be tossed in with much younger people who’ve been playing the corporate game since college—possibly even earlier. How’sthatgoing to feel—like you’re in uncharted territory, uncertain and off-balance, or… maybe that actually appeals to you. Maybe it’ll feel like an exciting new adventure.”
Jim nodded, because she seemed to be waiting for some kind of response. But all this talk about second guessing how he was going tofeel…? Nope. He couldn’t even put a name to whatever this shittiness was that he was feeling right now, let alone guess how shitty he was going tofeelin the future. To hell with that—shitty or extra-desperately-shitty—he had to box it all up and just get through the day, the way he’d always done.
But a pro and con list…?Thatwas a useful decision-making tool. So, pro: he already had the uniforms and he hated shopping for clothes. Con: dress whites were a freaking pain in his ass—trying to stay clean while wearing white was a challenge for the most fastidious Naval officer, and he was far from that. Although, he only had to wear the whites half of the year, unless he was stationed somewhere tropical, like Hawaii.
Pro: He might be stationed in Hawaii. He liked Hawaii.
Pro: Even though he was no longer officially a SEAL, he’d continue to wear his Budweiser on his uni day in and day out—and damned if that didn’t mean something to him. Huh. In fact, it meant a lot.
But three years of law school… Big,bigcon. Jim looked over to find Ashley just quietly watching him, as if she knew he was constructing that list in his head and didn’t want to interrupt.
“Tell me about law school,” he asked.
“It’s hard,” she said. “It’s deadly dull. But the work is the work—you put your head down and get it done. You’ll have to learn to read more slowly… But I did it, so I know that you can, too. You’re already incredibly patient—you proved that today, on the O-course. You just have to learn to be patient with yourself. If you decide to go—wherever you end up—I would highly recommend talking to other students and digging a bit and getting a list of the best professors and teachers. A good instructor can be life or death in some of the required classes.” But then she laughed at herself. “Notreallylife or death, like it is for a Navy SEAL. But try staying awake in Tort Reform with a teacher who doesn’t at least attempt to make it entertaining…”
He nodded. “Where’d you go?”
“Northeastern, in Boston,” she said. “Far enough from New York, but not too far.”
“Not Harvard?” he asked.
She laughed. “No, thanks. I didn’t even apply. My father was… less than pleased aboutthat. But Northeastern’s got some great social justice programs. And since that’s the direction I wanted to go from the start…”
Jim nodded. “Best part of being a lawyer…?”
