“Weren’t talking?”
“Right.” A pretty blush steals across her cheeks, and my chest aches again. “Anyway, I’ve been enjoying it.”
She turns away before I can say anything, trailing out the front door with a champagne flute in one hand and her dress fluttering behind her.
I tug open the top two buttons on my shirt as I follow her out the door, gripping my champagne flute so hard the stem squeaks between my fingers. This is why I don’t do weddings. I don’t like feeling this…undone.
Sarah settles on the porch swing that’s just outside our front door. From here we have a clear view of the lake and a million tiny stars sparkling on the lake’s glassy surface. Crickets chirp a noisy symphony, and somewhere in the distance an owl gives a perfunctory hoot.
Kicking off her shoes, she nudges the swing into motion with her pink-polished toes. Then she tucks her feet up under her and reaches up to tug the pins out of her hair. It falls free around her shoulders, and I feel my throat tightening again.
Just sit down beside her like a normal fucking person.
Nothing about me feels normal right now, but I feel calmer the instant my hand touches her knee.
She takes a sip from her champagne flute. “That was quite the ceremony, wasn’t it?”
“It was…something.” Lame, but I try to make up for it with a smile. “You’re beautiful.”
Sarah bites her lip. Her hair rustles around her shoulders, glinting with starlight and the glow from the distant tiki torches back at the reception site. I can see shadows moving over there, tidying up after the big party. How long until the revelry dies down? Not the reception, but the whirlwind of crazy new love. It’s bound to happen for the bride and groom eventually. For everyone. It’s just a matter of time until dull heartache sets in, or maybe its bitter cousin, resentment.
I look at Sarah and hope she can’t read my awful thoughts. I’m such a fucking curmudgeon. She deserves better.
Sarah’s gaze is fixed out over the lake, which is nice. Peaceful. My heart rate starts to slow as we sit in silence sipping our champagne as the porch swing drifts slowly back and forth. I toe the ground every few seconds, trying to keep us moving. To keep things from stalling out.
When Sarah speaks, her voice is low and almost timid. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while now.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” She clears her throat. “Since our trip last weekend, actually.”
I rub circles with my palm on her thigh, soothing her like I would a nervous pet. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”
“About us?” She blinks like I’m nuts. “No. Absolutely not. Actually, uh—” She bites her lip and shifts her gaze out over the water. I watch her chest rise and fall as she takes a few steadying breaths.
When her gaze returns to mine, there’s a mix of joy and terror in her eyes that makes my whole body seize up. It’s like my blood has turned to concrete in my veins.
“Actually,” she says again, “it’s sort of the opposite.”
There’s a faint buzzing in my ears. It’s the same sound I heard when I realized my parents’ wedding song was the same one Cassie and Simon used to commemorate his dead parents. A sadness so deep and aching that it burns me to the core.
That’s how I feel now peering into Sarah’s eyes. She opens her mouth to speak again and before she gets a word out, I know.
I know what she’s going to say.
“Ian,” she says slowly. “I think I’ve fal?—”
“No.”
She blinks. “What?”
I can’t let her say it. I can’t let this be real. I can’t risk losing this carefully constructed plan, this safe place we’ve made.
She bites her lip again and shakes her head like there’s been some sort of misunderstanding. “I need to just say this or I’m going to chicken out.” Her chest rises as she takes a shaky breath. “Ian, I’m in love with you.”
There’s a roaring in my ears, a scream that wells up in the center of my chest. Absolute silence surrounds us, but there’s nothing but madness in my head. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t come up with anything to say that will make this right.
So, I say the absolute wrong thing instead.
