“Jesus Christ.” I frown as I slip into the passing lane to get around a slow-moving horse trailer. “You’re not suggesting we put stuff like that in there?”
“No, not that,” she says. “It was just an example. But my lawyer did suggest we talk about an infidelity clause.”
“Infidelity clause?” I know I keep repeating her statements like an unprepared student stalling to answer the teacher’s question, but I can’t figure out what she’s driving at. Why she’s bringing this up in the first place. I glance over at her and see wisps of hair fluttering in a sunbeam cut through by the air conditioner. God, she’s beautiful.
“Given the—uh—unusual nature of our marriage, he says it’s important to define the rules,” she says. “Like okay, we’re not going to have this romantic, love-based marriage, but we’re going to have sex.”
“Obviously.” My brain veers a little off track there, and I order myself to stay focused.
“So is the marriage contract precluding us from sex with other people?” she asks. “And love with other people? And are there financial penalties if one of us breaks that?”
I glance over at her to see her brow creased with concern. Which of us is she worried about—herself, or me? Something tells me I should tread carefully here.
“Are you asking this stuff because of my dad?” I ask. “Because I’m the product of a serial cheater, so maybe I’ll do the same?”
“No, that’s not it at all.” Sarah drums the pen on the stack of papers, a nervous habit I remember from college. “It’s more that we need to be clear what we’re committing to. That we’re on the same page.”
I feel her eyes on me, so I take mine off the road for an instant. Her expression is unsure, and I’d take her in my arms if I weren’t driving. “Are you wanting to have other lovers? Like an open marriage or something?”
“That’s not it, either.” She shakes her head, her expression determined. “It’s the opposite, I guess. I’m willing to sign on for a marriage that’s not traditional, but I’m not willing to compromise on that.”
“Fidelity?”
“Right.” She clears her throat. “If we say ‘I do,’ then it’s just the two of us forever and ever. That’s not negotiable for me.”
“Me, either.” I don’t even have to think about my answer. We’re definitely on the same page with that one.
“Really?”
“Why do you sound surprised?”
“I don’t know. I guess I thought—I mean, if it’s more of a business arrangement, I wasn’t sure the traditional rules would apply.”
“The golden rule always applies,” I tell her. “And that means no dicking around on the other person. Period.”
I turn in time to see her smile. “No dicking around,” she repeats. “I’ll see if my lawyer can add that in.”
“Can you ask him to add a clause about threesomes? Because maybe we shouldn’t rule that out with sweeping statements about sex with other people.”
I’m totally kidding, so I’m surprised to see Sarah’s cheeks go pink. “I don’t think that would fall under an infidelity clause if it’s something we both agree to,” she says.
“Good point.” I clear my throat. “Okay, maybe we’re getting off track here. Just to be clear, you’re talking about physical cheating, right?”
“Right.”
Part of me doesn’t want to ask the next question, but I have to. I need to put it out there. “What about emotionally? Do you think you’ll be able to be fulfilled by—by this arrangement we’re planning?”
She doesn’t answer right away. I can see from her face that she’s trying to find the right words. “I won’t pretend that I haven’t spent the last thirty years expecting a different sort of marriage. Love and affection to go with the white picket fence. So I can’t just switch off the TV and act like I haven’t been watching that movie.”
“Understandable.” And it totally is.
So why do I feel a twist of sadness at taking that away from her? But I need to be clear.
“There’s no pressure, Sarah,” I tell her. “If you think you’re going to regret not holding out for what you wanted, we can call this off now. No hard feelings.”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine,” she says. “It’ll all be fine. It’s just a recalibration of sorts.”
She turns and smiles at me, and I can almost pretend I don’t see the doubt in her eyes. Am I being unfair to her? Is the arrangement I’m suggesting taking away a dream she could still pursue?
