‘Not really.’ But he couldn’t bring himself to tell her that he was worried he’d regret letting her walk away from him for the rest of his life. And he was outright terrified of telling her how he felt in case she felt pressured into trying to make it work like Shannon had. ‘Shannon arriving like she did is fucking with my head,’ he said, which seemed to sum everything up quite neatly.
‘I’m not her.’
‘Not even close,’ he agreed. But because he felt that panic pressing in, he asked, ‘Do you remember that day you asked me if I loved her, and I was unsure?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not unsure anymore. I didn’t love her. I liked her. I liked that she was smart and successful, and for a while her glamour seemed to be a – I don’t know – contrast, maybe, to the ranch life. The sex was good.’ He frowned as he thought what it was to touch Nina, to feel his whole world revolving around her pleasure. ‘Not intimate. But good. But, no, I didn’t love her.’
It was the closest he could come to saying the words to Nina just then. But Mav knew, in that moment, with Nina in his arms, that whatever he’d felt for Shannon hadn’t been love. Not even close.
She didn’t pry, didn’t ask what made him bring it up now. She rolled over and looked at the time on her phone. ‘Are you going out to the horses?’
‘Yeah. I should have been out the door already.’ With a tired groan, Mav rose to a seated position. He looked down at Nina, ran one hand over her hair before leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. ‘Go back to sleep.’
‘Could I tag along?’
‘To bring the horses in?’
‘Yeah.’ She toyed with the hem of his shirt that she wore. ‘I want to spend the time with you while I can, you know.’
The fact that she was already living with leaving on her mind affirmed his decision not to say anything.
Nina started rambling. ‘I won’t get in the way. I can just start on grooming Barbie in her stall and then help with the others once you’ve brought them in.’
‘You’re never in my way, Nina,’ he said, but because those bigger words threatened to spill from him, he moved to the end of the mattress and pushed to his feet. ‘Why don’t you go get changed. Meet me in the kitchen when you’re ready?’
‘Okay.’ She hopped off his bed. ‘Five minutes.’
The moment she left he sat heavily back down. He ran both hands through his hair and exhaled a huge breath. ‘Shit.’
The single word wasn’t exactly poetry, but it about summed up his situation. As difficult as it was to keep the course, Maverick knew he had to. He could admit that he was scared, and that trust didn’t come easily for him, but asking Nina to stay would have been selfish. It wouldn’t have been fair for the girls, for Nina, who’d have to split her time between LA and Santa Barbara. And for Poppy, who’d have a half-timer in her life – and that wasifthings worked out. If they ended, he’d have been responsible for his kid’s first heartbreak.
But knowing what he had to do didn’t make living with the decision any easier. Still, never one to wallow, he pushed back up and walked through to his bathroom to change.
Dressed in a white flowy dress, cowgirl boots, and a black Western Wear cowboy hat, Nina watched from the sidelines as Markus had Maverick saddle Zephyr. It was their fourth time running through it, but neither man nor horse showed a flicker of frustration.
In the golden fields around them, models, wardrobe personnel, and makeup artists prepared for their own scheduled segments. Although Nina knew that Shannon Carlyle was there, and that the woman’s eyes were constantly glued on her, Nina ignored her completely.
Behind his camera, Markus cued Maverick to start again.
Mav swung the saddle onto Zephyr’s back, being careful to control the downward movement as the forty-pound saddle landed on the horse. While Markus snapped dozens of pictures, Maverick went about slowly rearranging the saddle pad and threading the cinch strap through the cinch ring. He tightened it, finished it off with a Windsor knot. And when he stepped back, removed his hat, and wiped his sweaty brow with his forearm, Markus took a few last shots and then lowered his camera.
‘Okay, I think we got it that time.’
Mav comically raised both hands in a prayer of thanks.
‘Har. Har.’ Markus’s eyes were glued on his camera as he flicked through the shots. ‘Wait until you see these, Cowboy. You’ll fall flat.’
‘I’ve seen your work. I already know you’re good. But that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy doing it.’
‘True. But you’ll do it anyway because you want to help a friend – and because you’re terrified of your little sister.’
Maverick only sighed in agreement, making Nina smile.
‘Okay, Neens.’ Markus turned to her. ‘You’re up.’ His eyes scanned her, checking, she knew, for any wardrobe or makeup changes he wanted to make. The last of her bruises had faded, and although her ribs still throbbed from time to time, she’d learned how to move to minimize the pain. Finding nothing out of place, Markus shucked his head in Maverick’s direction.
She walked to where Maverick stood by Zephyr.
