Nina was an odd combination of vulnerable and tough that he found intensely attractive. Her stunning face and willow-neat figure didn’t hurt either, of course. But it was her, the way she constantly fought for herself, that appealed to him. Because even as he worried that they led completely different lives and that he didn’t do casual, hewantedher, desperately.
He now knew that her kisses knocked him as flat as her big eyes first had. But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Because now that he’d kissed her, he only wanted more. He wanted to know what her naked body would feel like in his hands and if her taste would drive him wild. He wanted to take her higher than she’d ever gone and then watch her shatter. And, surprisingly, he wanted those quiet moments after too. Those moments when she was soft and sleepy and vulnerable – and in his bed.
His need for all of her just then was so overpowering that he felt he had to warn her. ‘You know where this is going.’ It was pointless trying to deny it. And when he looked down at her, her eyes told him that she knew it too.
For one long moment, neither of them said anything.
But it was Nina who spoke first. ‘I know where this is going.’ And there was no doubt in her voice. ‘But I … I need time, I guess …’ she admitted quietly. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m not …aware.’ She flushed. ‘Or that I’m weak for being scared.’
‘I don’t think you’re weak.’ Reaching out one hand, he cupped her chin and brushed her cheek with his thumb. ‘Christ, I think you might be one of the strongest people I know.’ But because knowing that she was afraid was all the information he needed, he broke contact and, moving to the counter, picked up his coffee again.
Nina smiled. ‘I’m going to regret how honourable you are later.’
‘I’ll still be around later,’ he said, and although it was meant to make her laugh – and did – he shocked himself by how serious he was.
From the first moment he’d seen her, he’d had to remind himself that she was a paying guest, here for a month-long retreat. Nothing more. But his attraction had only grown as he’d started getting to know her. And now, when his logic was put up against that same attraction, it almost didn’t matter that they were from separate worlds with nearly no hope of anything serious ever developing between them. The pull was that strong.
Overwhelmed by the kiss, Maverick picked up the thread of their previous conversation. ‘I know what you mean – when you say you’re scared to let go.’
She didn’t push, only waited.
He wasn’t even sure why he chose to share. Maybe it was because he wanted her to understand that everyone went through it, and that there was no shame in being vulnerable. Maybe it was because he liked talking to her, liked getting to know her. ‘When my ex left, it took a lot out of me. Poppy was only a few months old, and the resort was the busiest it had ever been …’
He thought back, felt exhausted at the memory of the long days followed by the sleepless nights with an infant. ‘It felt like Groundhog Day in hell. Over and over. I would work all day and then put Poppy down, and by the time I fell into bed I was so exhausted I couldn’t sleep. And then as my eyes were closing, she’d wake up for the first time.
‘It was the lowest I’d ever been in my entire life. But I refused to admit it because I was so ashamed. Ashamed that Shannon had left me, ashamed that I couldn’t care for my child.
‘I just kept going. For months on end. Until, one day, I lost my shit down at the barn.’
Nina smiled. ‘Over what?’
‘Nina, I swear to you, I can’t even remember. It was something ridiculously small, like a broken bridle or a stall that hadn’t been cleaned perfectly. I just lost it, started screaming and shouting. And then I turn the corner, and Benji, José, and Riley are all just standing there, staring at me. And José asks, “Everything okay, boss?” And I just broke down.’
‘Cried like a baby?’
‘No, ma’am. Babies are supposed to cry. I cried like a grown man having a mental breakdown.’
She gave him that small half-smile. ‘Not very rugged of you.’
Maverick grinned. He appreciated her sense of humour. It kinda came out of nowhere when a person least expected it.
‘Nope,’ he agreed. ‘It was humiliating. But it might have been the best thing that ever happened to me, because then everyone else knew how deep in it I was. By that evening, José’s mom, Marisol, had moved into my spare room to help with the night shifts – I didn’t even know that a night nurse was a thing. Sierra covered the early morning shift for me so that I could catch up on the sleep I’d lost. Benji picked up my lessons when he could. And, slowly, I came out of it. But it took a really long time and a lot of help, and even then, there are still days where it all feels like too much.’
He looked at her. ‘So, even though I haven’t lived through what you have, I know what you mean when you say you’re worried about not being able to pull yourself out of it. But you will. And you don’t have to do it alone.’
‘You’ve helped me so much already,’ she said immediately. ‘I don’t want to be a burden.’ The denial, the refusal of any help he might have offered was instant and instinctual.
But Maverick didn’t let her get away with it. ‘You’re not a burden. I’ve enjoyed every minute I’ve spent with you.’ When she blushed, he only tipped his head, added, ‘Clearly.’
He watched her face as she processed that, saw the hesitation and pleasure warring for the upper hand in her dark irises.
She didn’t acknowledge it though. She asked, ‘Can I ask you a personal question?’
Maverick could have laughed at her blatant redirection. ‘I think we’re about at that stage.’
‘Why did she leave? Your ex? I keep looking at you, waiting for that big red flag, that ah-ha moment that clues me in as to why any woman with half a brain would leave. But so far, I haven’t figured it out.’
The question, the reminder of Shannon, was like a bucket of cold water to the face. It doused the last of his lust and sharpened his mind, reminding him why he’d promised not to cross that line with Nina even as he watched it disappear behind him.
