To clean up my other half-dozen messes.
Yet, those were easy compared to the mess my life has become.
Not that it was ever exactly clean and orderly.
As early as I can remember, it was always chaotic. Nothing stable. Nothing real or true. Nothing I could rely on except myself.
Learning that truth young served me well, until I forgot it for one brief moment. When I gave in to that need to lower my guard and let someone else carry the weight. When I trusted for the first time in a long time…
And got burned.
Now that’s what I’ve done to Elaine.
She trusted me, without any reason to, and I’ve burned her. I’ve made a mess of her diner and customers—and it’s only my first day.
Maybe staying was a bad idea.
Maybe I should have just grabbed Gizmo and kept walking out the other end of Main Street and toward wherever the road led me?—
Elaine pats me on the shoulder, halting my downward spiral before it reaches the point of no return. “I’ve got it, dear. Just refill the drinks.”
I release a shaky breath, trying to regain my composure, but my hands won’t stop trembling no matter how tightly I grip the edges of the counter.
I’m fucking this up left and right.
Of all the odd jobs I’ve done since I was fifteen, waitressing has always been the worst. Not in terms of the work itself—that I actually like—but in terms of my performance. What just occurred is not an isolated incident, and the longer I stay here, the worse it will become. Not because I can’t do the job but because every time that bell jingles, my heart stops and I peer over my shoulder, praying I won’t recognize the face that walks in.
It’s hard to stay cool, calm, and collected and balance a tray when you live like that—jumpy and always on-guard.
And Elaine was right when she told me they needed help.
They’re busy here. As one of the only restaurants in town, there’s no such thing as a rush at lunch or dinner. It’s a steady stream all day—apparently especially when the festival is happening and immediately before and after—which I’ve learned the hard way.
My feet ache.
So does my lower back.
But that could also be from all the walking I did before I got to McBride Mountain and sleeping in a place that certainly isn’t meant for it.
I know my body will get used to this job, but I don’t plan on being here long enough for that to happen.
All I need is to get enough cash to get me farther north.
A few days—tops.
You can tough it out until then, Lucky.
I close the cabinet and refill the sodas, then carefully carry them in both hands instead of balancing them on the tray as I make my way out to the table.
Elaine is chatting with the two gentlemen there, all of them laughing as if nothing happened, and they each offer me a kind smile.
“Just the first-day jitters, hon.” Elaine pats me on the shoulder again as I set down the drinks. “You’re doing fine.”
I wish that were true…
One of the two men I soaked earlier motions to his jacket that’s now covered in Coca-Cola and draped over the empty seat beside him. “Don’t worry about it, hon. I never liked this jacket anyway.”
He winks, offering me a reassuring smile after.
