A war that haunted her yet did not trouble him at all.
And it was as they lay in bed, her ear to his heart, his knot locked deep and true, that she told him this. Whispered things to him in the dark she’d never even told Dr. Osin.
Confessions, every last sad thought, as he listened and played with her black hair, just like Shepherd had from the first day he had claimed her.
Sad little secrets about growing up with a mother like hers, with a father that worked to pretend everything was okay. Howshe realized now that there had been a void inside her, long before she’d met him. But told her husband he had dug it deeper, because he had done things she could not ever forget even if she might forgive.
And his actions had changed how things could have been between them.
Her growing disgust, even horror, that he’d said Svana’s name without anger or grief. As if forcing it on Claire was some kind of honor. “If you were going to do this monstrous thing to me, you should have changed your name to Premier Callas when you invaded Greth and lived with that insult for the rest of your days.YourSvana is the reasonmyson is dead. She’s the reason I was raped in the Undercroft. She’s the reason you are so broken and so fucking stupid when it comes to people.”
The nest was warm, soft, his body strong under her. The covers over them kept out the light. In their private little cave as her spirit jerked on his pair-bond like a fish on a hook.
And made him work to keep her.
Because her thoughts were everywhere else. Watching her mother play the piano in her memories. The way her childhood bedroom smelled. Coffee from the best corner store near her art school. Her dad’s laugh.
How uncomfortable her black dress was at her mother’s funeral.
Shame that she hadn’t been enough for her mother to choose to live. Self-loathing for never confronting her father for what he’d done… stealing an Omega and forcing her to be his mate.
A childhood spent trying so hard to make everyone happy.
“She owes you this.” Rage gone cold, an Alpha who dreamed of murder and his own gaping secret loss, knew what to say, because he had prepared long for this. Svana had betrayed him first. And then he’d betrayed himself. But not now. Now, he was taking what he deserved, because Svana would have never givenit otherwise. “Her name has value, and she owes it. To you. To me. And I took it with pleasure. Used her corpse to elevate my queen. It’s only a collection of mouth sounds now. I have no love for it in any sense but for how it protects you. She’s gone. No legacy but the oneI built for you.So, take it. Because the world will never give you what you deserve. Not unless you let me give it to you.”
“You and I… I don’t think we can ever be happy.” Said as Claire rubbed her face against his bare chest, nuzzling, working his scent into her cheeks and nose as she felt how empty she’d really become. “You are beyond reaching.”
“You don’t mean that, Claire.”
“But I do. I mean it. In what universe you thought you could bully me into pretending to be her, I don’t know.You took me because I looked like her.You fucked me because you were angry with her. You betrayed her with me and me with her. I was a tool, a thing, a houseplant to you… one you grew fond of. But you would never have loved me for my humanity. I know it charms you, but?—”
A hand covered her mouth, the Alpha angry and rattling, but careful with the delicate bones of her neck as he silenced his mate.
Those green eyes wide and so, so sad. An expression that was certain it would not get better. That there was no smug quote he might dig out of his mind when all she said was true.
“I am not who I was. And you are not who you were. And Svana is dead. Her corpse is in pieces in a freezer where you can go see what’s left of her anytime you want.”
The idea made her skin crawl. “Why would you keep it?”
“It’s valuable.”
A female hum of dismal acknowledgment. “Do you visit it?”
“Sometimes.”
“Why?” It stung deep in the bond to think of her mate and husband had visited the body of his former lover.
“I like to break pieces off of it.” Shepherd was morbid and honest and not at all ashamed. “It makes a very satisfying sound.”
“I think you should stop doing that.”
Shepherd cocked a brow. “Why? She can’t feel anything. She’s dead.”
“It’s not good for you.”
“I think of what she did to you, of how much you’ve suffered for it. About our baby…” There was anguish in his eyes, and then there was fury. “And I can’t reach into hell to strangle her myself. All I can steal is her legacy to lay at your feet—the thing she wanted most—and enjoy the satisfaction of stomping on her corpse now and then.”
“Does it make you feel better?”
