And yet you still say nothing.
My inner voice has been screaming at me for several months now. I wonder if it started when the new gardener did. When I caught sight of him in the distance, something stirred inside me, and no matter how many prayers I have offered, the curiosity hasn’t gone away.
Then there are the dreams.
The ones that leave me burning inside as the devil visits me at night. I wake with my heart thumping and my body screaming for some kind of release. He has bewitched me, and I wonder if I’m alone in that. I’ve seen my sister’s eyes trailing after him as often as mine, and yet we still say nothing and pretend this is exactly what we want.
I’ve known for some time it is not.
But what is the alternative? Certain death for sure, and I must remind myself of that because the moment we are nolonger within these protective walls is the moment our fates will be sealed because of one woman.
The woman we mistakenly call our stepmother.
We reachthe wooden door and, after a soft smile between us, Tiffany knocks softly on the door, almost apologetically, and my heart jumps when Sister Agatha’s voice commands us to enter.
Alice neglects to conceal her despairing sigh, and Tiffany smiles sympathetically. This is it. The moment when we reaffirm our decision to spend the rest of our lives here.
Alice is first inside the inner sanctum, where Sister Agatha Maria presides over the fifty nuns who call this place home.
“Girls.”
Her warm smile is safe and inviting, and she gestures to three wooden chairs set before her simple desk.
Once settled, she faces us with a caring smile, and my heart softens. She has been like a mother to us since we arrived here four years ago and has been the light in our storm and a safe harbor we are reluctant to move away from.
“You are probably wondering why I called this audience.”
We say nothing and merely sit forward and she fixes her gaze on each one of us before leaning back in her chair.
“The time has come for you to make your decision and transition from novice to junior sister, involving intense prayer and study before your final vows.”
My heart sinks as the weight of my sinful wishes crushes me inside, and yet I muster a small happy smile and nod.
Tiffany says politely, “We are grateful for the opportunity, Sister Agatha Maria.”
Her eagle eyes narrow, and I detect a hard edge to her smile this time as she shakes her head.
“But first you must undertake a task outside of the convent.”
I stare at her in confusion and sense the same reaction from my sisters as she taps her finger on the plain wooden desk.
“You came here fleeing from your boarding school and asked for sanctuary within these walls. You were young adults, and I was happy to offer sanctuary. However–”
I am uneasy and steal a confused exchange with my sister Tiffany, and from her expression, she is as shocked as I am.
“I will welcome you all with open arms if this is your chosen path, but first you must undertake a challenge, if you like.”
“A challenge?” Alice leans forward. “I’m sorry, Sister, I don’t understand.”
If anything, Sister Agatha appears to find something amusing, and she smiles.
“How can you make a choice if you have nothing to choose between?”
She leans forward, her gentle eyes searching our souls.
“I am sending you away for one year.”
Our gasps are collective, and she holds up her hand.
