My dad would be embarrassed by how much I’ve let things fall behind. Especially if he knew the mountain of debt I’m buried under.
Some days, it feels like the farm itself knows how upside down things are. Fresh paint fades faster than an explanation can offer, and the trees droop no matter how carefully I feed them. Every once in a while, there’s a sad tinkling of bells around Dad’s old Santa Barn.
It’s easier to chalk it all up to stress than other possibilities, like the lore behind this land or the ridge itself.
“You’ve gotta pull yourself together.”
There’s no one around to respond, but I don’t need them to.
Evelyn would repeat the same sentiment in a less succinct way, and Owen would be Owen—grounded and steady. Our third sibling, Declan, is still off doing whatever he’s doing to pretend our lives weren’t completely upended.
Must be nice.
A piercing wail jolts me out of my pity party, and a fresh sense of panic grips my chest as I scan the farm. It’s not an animal; I know that for sure.
It sounds… human.
A second follows, and I take off through my evergreens in the direction it’s coming from.
The third scream is closer by the time I hear it, and by this point, I’m positive it’s a kid.
I don’t have any of my own, but I’ve got three siblings and played with plenty on this very land, and it’s a very distinct sound. Owen once came up on a random rattlesnake in the west field, and I’ll never forget that scream as long as I live.
As I round a tree, a tiny figure comes into view, giant tears streaking down his pink face. The last thing I expect to see in my fields this morning is a kid in a Charlie Brown Christmas sweater, and he looks about as sad as the tree with the lone red ornament on it.
The wind dies down all at once, like even the mountain’s holding its breath to see what I’ll do.
“Hey, little guy.” I approach him slowly with my calmest voice, like he’s a horse I might spook if I move too fast. He’s watching me just as cautiously, but he doesn’t make any moves. “You cold?”
“Mama.” He sniffles, and I shrug off my coat despite the fact that it’s going to swallow him. Both of our breaths hang in the chilly morning air between us.
“Where’s mama?” I crouch down to his level and wrap the coat around him, rubbing my hands up and down his arms to generate some heat.
There’s no answer as he eyes me, just another sniffle as he rubs his Rudolph colored rose with the back of my coat sleeve.
“Not quite old enough run around solo yet, are you?”
More silence.
I press my tongue in my cheek and stand to scan the farm again. It’s early, and the sun is still low in the sky. Too early for farm visitors. Before my phone call to Peter, I’d been walking the rows of trees. They’re looking sadder than usual, and that’s not ideal for a field trip.
I was also distracted. There’s a good chance that even if someone came by the house, I didn’t hear them.
Still, his screams carried clean through rows that usually muffle sound; the pines don’t always play messenger unless they want you to listen.
I make my decision and lift the kid, clutching him close to keep him warm. Winter hasn’t quite shown herself yet, but it’s still too cold for a little kid to be wandering around without proper clothes on. I’ll get him to the house where it’s warm and let Evelyn fuss over him while I figure out where his mom is. Orwhoshe is.
It’s harder than I thought it would be to jog across my property holding a kid, but I do it as fast and as carefully as I can. The last thing either of us needs is for me to fall down on the dewy grass. His head nestles under my chin, and my heart does a weird thing in my chest—he must feel safe.
I’m a safe space for somebody.
I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me feel better about my situation, like maybe I can still do something right. There was a time I pictured a little one tucked against me like this with Chloe’s eyes and my stubborn streak, but I slammed that door so hard I swear the house still echoes.
As I near the house, my sister comes into view, standing on the porch with another woman. Probably this kid’s mom.
“Jack? Oh my gosh, Aiden, where did you find him? I’ve been so worried—” A sob interrupts her thoughts as she races across the distance between us.
I recognize Olivia as I get closer, realizing she probably came by early to drop Chloe’s crafts off before our field trip. Probably doing my sister a favor, since they’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. Before I can blink, she’s scooped him up into her arms.
