I just want to help, but I know it’s because I’m supposed to stop making everyone else’s lives more comfortable and focus on mine.
Something like that.
All the observations my best friend Abby and Aiden have made about me in the last couple of months ping around in my brain, and it’s hard to focus on just one thing.
Before our world rearranged itself, Aiden was trying to get me to be comfortable with not carrying the entire world. Abby was constantly begging me to join her book club because she was worried I didn’t do enough for myself. An observation Aiden made my first night in the house.
He also reminded me that productivity doesn’t equal value. That one is the toughest for me to sidestep.
But how do you rewire decades of habits that are so ingrained you don’t even notice them anymore?
“I can’t tell if you’re on edge because of the early flight or if it’s something else, but I need you out of the house.” My mom ushers me to my room. “Get your coat and your boots and go get coffee.”
“Wait, are you serious?” I stutter out. “Youwantedme here.”
She stops shooing me long enough to put her hands on her hips, and her eyes narrow.
“Chloe, this whole house can feel how unsettled you are. Go sit, people watch, and enjoy a fresh, hot cup of coffee.” She sighs. “It’s not personal, but I’m worried you’re going to crack your molars.”
My hand absently touches my cheek, and I blink back at her.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“Not my teeth.” She snorts. “But I think it’ll do you a world of good. Get dressed, and get out.”
Aiden passes her as she heads back to the living room, eyes wide. “Your mom is terrifying.”
“She just kicked me out,” I say, frowning. “She told me to get dressed and go get coffee.”
“I can come with you, if you want.” He pauses. “Or you can go alone. Whatever you want to do.”
“This…feels like a test.”
He shrugs. “Just asking if you want company or if you want to bask in silence.”
But then he grins, one corner of his mouth lifting a little slower than the other, like he’s divulging a secret.
“Thisisa test.”
“What do you want, Chloe? There’s no wrong answer here.”
I chew on my lip.No wrong answer.That feels like a trap.
“You won’t be offended if I go alone?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll be here when you get back. I’m sure someone around here will keep me company.”
“If Carter asks if you want to play Call of Duty? The answer is always no.”
His brows draw together. “Why? Sounds fun,” he says, deadpan.
“If CarterandReid ask? The answer is no, then no again.”
I sit on my bed and tug on my boots.
“But why, Chlo?”
“Sounds like you’ll find out soon enough,” I tell him, pushing to my feet. “But don’t say I didn’t explicitly tell you to say no.”
