It’s the closest thing I have to having him physically beside me, and emotions clog my throat.
I take my time pulling on each piece, since I don’t know if I’ll survive doing this again. This was Dad’s favorite part of Christmas, and now it feels sacred.
I’m halfway through tugging on the boots when there’s a soft knock on the doorframe of the Santa Barn.
“Hey.” Chloe stands in the doorway, her voice quiet as she assesses me. “Are you holding up okay?”
I straighten enough to set my hands on my knees. “Honestly?”
She steps inside and pulls the door closed behind her. “Always.”
She’s already changed into thick leggings and a sweater, her hair pulled back, and her camera strap slung over her shoulder like it’s a piece of who she is.
Before I ducked out here, I took inventory of where everyone was so I might disappear unseen. I wanted time to process, if needed.
Our families sprawl across the entire house, moving between rooms and floors in a rhythm that only belongs to the holidays. Her parents had arranged themselves like they’d overtaken the living room as a control center, and Carter and Reid were arguing with Phoebe over Uno rules.
Evelyn and Owen have disappeared in and out of the outbuildings with armfuls of last-minute magic for the last half hour.
I know this is one more step to feeling normalcy around here again, and I’m grateful she’s here for it.
“It’s more than I expected. This feels…like it doesn’t belong to me.”
She pulls her lower lip behind her teeth, then sets her camera on a nearby table. Without hesitation, she sits on my knee.
“Pretend for a minute that your parents are still here.”
I huff and rub the back of my neck. “That’s a tall ask.”
“I know,” she says, softly. “But I need you to trust me.”
At least, my eyes swing to hers and lock in. “Always.”
She nods, eyes gentle. “If your Dad were still here, and he decided he wanted to step back and observe, maybe enjoy being a grandfather?—”
I blink back the sting of tears as she lays a hand on my chest.
“If he asked you to take over as Santa, would it still feel like it doesn’t belong to you, then?”
“No.”
I don’t even have to think about it. If Dad had come and had this conversation with me, I wouldn’t have hesitated to take over.
“I know it’s not the same, Aiden. But try to picture what he’d want you to do. If it still feels uncomfortable, then we’ll pack it in and spin a story for Phoebe.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because knowing how much this will mean to Phoebe is the reason I said yes to begin with. I can’t take that from her because I’m uncomfortable.”
“You can’t take it from her if she never knew about it to begin with.” Chloe’s eyes soften. “I didn’t hype this up. When you walk in, it’ll be a complete surprise. I told you before—you don’t have to do this.”
“Maybe I do, though,” I murmur.
I lean my head against her, and she adjusts to accommodate. We shift until my arms surround her waist, and her head lies on top of mine.
“My sweet, wonderful husband,” she says on a sigh. “You’re the driver on this one. I’m just the passenger princess that makes the ride more tolerable.”
