Wait for it, Jace thought again.
He almost smiled as he knew anticipated what his father was going to do. The light hand on his right shoulder was the start.
“Jace, I know that you’d rather gnaw off your own arm before you admit you don’t feel well, and by don’t feel well I mean you’re in agony,” his father said.
“I’m fine, Dad. Really. I mean I’m just going to be sitting behind the counter. I’d just be sitting here otherwise,” Jace told him as he concentrated on buttering his toast. It was easier to lie if he wasn’t looking into his father’s gray eyes.
His father squeezed his shoulder. “I know you say that, Jace, but you--”
“Dad.” Jace accidentally slammed the knife on the counter. It clanked loudly. The sound had his tinnitus flaring. He drew in a deep breath. He modulated his voice as he said, “If I can’t sit behind a counter then… what can I do?”
His father was silent for a long moment, but then stated firmly, “There are lots of things--”
“No, Dad, there aren’t. You know there aren’t.” Jace’s hands fisted on the counter. He was shaking. His vision started to blur as the stress built up in his neck and shoulders.
“It’s going to be okay. Your mother and I have plans in place that will make sure you’ll be taken care of, no matter what,” his father said quietly. “You don’t have to worry--”
“That I’ll never be able to live or work like a normal person? That when you guys die that there’s plenty of life insurance?!” Jace’s voice was strained. The thought of his parents dying was behind hideous, but he also knew that he should be grateful for what his father was saying, what his parents were able to do. So many others were left fortunate. Yet he shook his head, the headache sloshing around inside like acid, and continued on, “You can’t possibly understand. You’re a goddamned fighter pilot! You’re a--a hero! You and Mom serve our country, save countless people, and do important work. I can’t even work a cash register for too long before I need to lay down in a dark room with no noise!”
Heat flooded his face and he felt his headache pounding like a drum. This was bad. Getting upset just made things ten times worse. He tried to breathe, but his chest was so tight now too. He really hated himself right then and there. He knew feeling sorry for himself would do nothing good, it certainly wouldn’t change anything, and taking it out on his father who was just trying to help was wrong. But he couldn’t help it.
“I know that things seem hopeless right now, Jace, but--”
“Because they are. But I’m still going to work the whole day today so that Walter can have a good time with his granddaughter. That means I’ve done something good,” Jace stated as he slipped out from under his father’s hand.
He went back to his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him. He sat on his bed, in the dark, head in his hands. He waited until he heard the front door shut and the sound of his parents’ car leaving the driveway of their stucco ranch home. He stayed there for another ten minutes, left leg bobbing up and down, feeling guilty and sorry for himself.
I’ll call Dad later and apologize. I can make that right at least.
He stood up, grabbed his notebook and made his way back outside his bedroom. He was running late so he crammed the toast in his mouth and took a slug of coffee before he headed outside. This time he didn’t hesitate to put on his sunglasses.
The heat took his breath away. Even this early in the day, it was already in the nineties fahrenheit. It would be over 100 that afternoon, cooling in the evening, but still not dropping below the seventies. Walter’s shop wasn’t that far away, but still he’d be sweat drenched when he got there. After slipping his journal into his bike’s saddlebags and the coffee into the holder, he swung his leg over the bike and took off. It was a mountain bike and cruised over the hot asphalt smoothly.
He was squinting behind his glasses and there were auras around cars, but he didn’t care. The hot air was running through his air. The drive chain was singing. He wasn’t going all that fast, but there was a freedom to it. And he needed that right now. He zigzagged through the streets until he came to Walter’s shop called the Con-Ve, which was a “cute” name for saying convenience. No one though ever got it.
Walter came out the moment Jace rounded the corner. He was in his late seventies with wispy white hair that barely covered a spotted scalp. He had lean legs and arms, but a pot belly that hung over a belt that had a large eagle shaped belt buckle. Walter shaded his watery blue eyes from the already bright, burning sun. He waved as Jace glided over to him and pumped on the brakes. He dismounted.
“Hey, Walter, I’m sorry I’m late!” Jace said, slightly breathless. Sweat ran along his spine and down his temples, but he felt refreshed.
“You’re fine, Jace. I’m just eager to get back and start decorating. The expectations of ten-year-olds are higher than you might think!” Walter said with a deep belly laugh.
Jace grinned, even though his head hurt from the movement. “I bet.”
“I want to make it perfect for Jenny, you see. Since her dad passed away last year…” Walter’s usual rubbery smile died for a moment. “Well, I just want her to have a good time.”
“She will. She definitely will.” Jace felt so damned glad he was doing this. It gave him strength to ignore the pain he felt. He touched Walter’s forearm gently. “You go on and start the preparations. I’ve got this.”
“Are you sure, Jace? I’m asking an awful lot of you.” Walter’s face was creased with concern.
Jace kept his smile firmly in place as he said with certainty, “Absolutely. I’m good. Don’t worry about anything.”
Walter looked relieved and immediately brightened. “Well, I’ll be back around closing time tonight. If you need anything, call and I’ll be right over. I’m just--”
“A block away. Don’t worry, Walter, I know, but I’m not going to need you,” Jace assured the older man.
“Well, I do so appreciate it. Lunch and dinner is on me. You order whatever you want from Lulu’s,” Walter said, naming the diner down the block, which had the best food.
“Sounds great! I…” Jace broke off as suddenly a cloud covered the sun.
