I knew Elliot was attracted to me from the beginning, and I was attracted to him too. And though I fought his advances at first, I did give in to them too easily, and now here we are, with feelings involved and me wondering how, once again, I’ve been lying to myself.
Does how this started matter? That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter to me, because I trust his feelings are true, so it shouldn’t matter at all. But all I can think about is what everyone will think and how bad it’ll get once Harrison finds out and spreads rumors like wildfire. I can’t handle thatsort of attention or all the negativity that comes with it. And what happens when reporters find out? This is all much bigger than the office and the few people in my life. This could go national…
Things have been so good lately. I’ve done my best to avoid all negativity. My father is dead. Harrison is out of my life. I don’t have to worry about putting my guard up because there is nothing to shield myself from. But if we go public with this, I’ll be a target again and I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle that. Not yet and maybe not ever—not even with Elliot at my side.
“Do you want to be with him?” he asks, voice somber.
“No,” I say adamantly.
“Then what is the issue, Seraphine? Tell me, please.” He reaches for my hand, pulling me back onto his lap. “Please, sweetness. Tell me what it is so I can make it better.”
“I’m just not ready to face the backlash from everyone, Elliot. Not just Harrison—”
“But mostly Harrison.”
“I guess.”
“I already told him I would cut him off.”
“And you think that’ll make him stop?” I ask, getting frustrated now. “It’ll only anger him more and you should know that. He’s your son.”
He flinches away as if I’ve slapped him, and I don’t even know why. What did I say that was so terrible?
His gaze goes off to the side and he looks in deep thought for a moment before saying, “I guess I don’t know my son then.”
Oh.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say softly, putting my hands on his shoulders.
“But it’s the truth.”
“I don’t know. Maybe?” I shrug. “But what parent truly knows their child?”
His eyes bore into mine. “A good one.”
“Elliot…”
He pulls his gaze away again, looking at something behind me instead. His jaw is set, and now he’s definitely upset.
“Hey, look at me,” I urge, putting my hands on his cheeks. Finally, he does. “You are a good father. Way better than mine.”
“No offense, but that isn’t much to go by.”
I sigh. “You’re right, but it’s all I have at the moment.” He blinks a few times, his face emotionless. “I don’t want to fight with you, especially not over this,” I say. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready to break this perfect little bubble we’re in.”
Nodding once, he looks away again. “I understand.”
“Do you, though?”
“No,” he says with a humorless laugh. “But what can I do but accept it?”
I feel so out of control right now, wanting to do what I can to make him happy… but at the cost of my own happiness and comfort? That doesn’t seem fair. There has to be a way to meet inthe middle, right? I’m not sure how though. What can I do so we both get what we want?
Knowing this conversation isn’t going anywhere, and we’re likely to upset one another further, I give up on it and ask if he wants take-out for dinner. By the time the food arrives, he seems to be in a bit of a better mood. Not entirely, but enough that we can have a normal conversation. We put on a movie as we eat pizza, and Liar Liar does wonders to heighten our mood.
I agree to stay the night again, because I don’t like the thought of being away from him, especially not after I upset him. We go to bed together, fuck until we’re both sweaty and spent, then we fall asleep. He holds me until the sun comes up, and it’s the start of a brand-new day.
Chapter Thirty-Three
