We didn’t rush the silence. We let it be what it was—two people reaching carefully, not pulling too hard, letting the connection breathe.
“I’m trying,” he said finally. “To become someone who can stay. Even when it’s uncomfortable. To grow into the best version of myself, like I promised you.”
“I know,” I said. “I am too.”
Even though I couldn’t see his face I knew he was smiling, I could hear it in his voice. “I’ll call you again next week,” he said. “Same day if that works.”
“I’d like that very much,” I told him. And for once the wanting didn’t feel dangerous.
After the call ended, I sat there for a while with the phone resting against my chest, the chamomile cooling between my hands. The opened the journal again and added one last line, smaller than the rest.
We are learning how to be careful with each other. And that feels like love, too.
CHAPTER 26
ANTHONY
Two Months Later
Mark didn’t rush me when I sat down. He never did. He allowed me to reorient myself for our sessions. I’d never received that level of consideration from anyone else before.
“You mentioned last week that Elliot reminds you of someone,” he said carefully. “Who?”
My mouth went dry. “Myself,” I admitted. The word landed heavier than I expected. “When I was his age,” I continued, “I was already trained to disappear when I became inconvenient. To work for love. To earn it.”
Mark nodded. “And David?”
I let out a breath that shook. “David treated me the way my father did,” I said. “Approval that came and went. Affection that depended on obedience.” My jaw tightened. “I thought that was normal. I thought that was what being wanted felt like.”
“And Natalie?” he prompted.
“She broke the pattern,” I said softly. “She accepted me. Didn’t ask me to change. And because I’d never had that, I confused it with something bigger.”
My chest ached.
“So when she died,” I went on, “I latched onto the next version of that feeling. The next place I could belong.”
Mark didn’t interrupt.
“I didn’t fall for Elliot because he needed me,” I said, voice cracking. “I fell because hesawme. Because he trusted me the way I had once trusted Natalie.”
Shame flooded me.
“And I knew better,” I whispered. “I knew how dangerous that was. How much power I held. So I ran.”
Because staying would have meant confronting the truth.
“I wanted him,” I said. “Not as a responsibility. Not as a debt to Natalie. But as a man who finally felt chosen without conditions.” Tears slid down my face. “And the moment it got real.” I paused, catching my breath. “I did what I was taught to do.”
Mark leaned forward. “You left.”
“Yes,” I sobbed. “Because loving him meant risking becoming my father. Or David. Or someone who stayed too long and broke him, anyway.”
The room felt too small.
“So I told myself leaving would save him,” I said. “That distance would teach him how to stand.”
My voice broke completely. “But all it taught him was that love disappears the moment it starts to matter.”
