They taught me how to lead. How to dominate a room. How to crush a weakness before it festered.
But no one ever taught me how to want.
How tofeel.
Unlike others from my world, I never even had friends—just competitors and future allies. Everyone I met measured me against what I could offer them. My mother gave me affection like a well-timed pill, just enough to dull the edge but never cure the ache. And my father... well, he made me a weapon.
The only warmth in my life came from Winston. And he couldn’t answer the question I’d been choking on for years:
Who am I, when I’m not theirs?
Then Sin happened. Cracked my armor with one smirk, one touch, one moan whispered into my neck like salvation.
He never asked for permission. Never bowed or played along. He looked at me—really looked—and saw someone other than the heir to an empire. And now his scent clung to my skin like smoke. I could still taste him, still feel his pulse pounding through the heat of his release in my hand. I could still hear the quiet devastation in his voice when I walked away.
I hated how much I wanted this. I’d said that. I’d meant it.
But the truth I couldn’t say?
I’ve never wanted anything more.
And I was going to lose him. In a few months, my engagement would be announced. A strategic union. A path to office. Another chain. I’d be forced back to suits and cameras and perfectly crafted speeches.
Sin would move on—maybe to someone who could love him out loud, someone who didn’t flinch from touch like it burned. But before that? I’d take every second I could. I’d steal his laugh, his heat, hismercy.I’d brand his name across my soul like a final act of rebellion.
Because when the cage door slammed shut, and the Astor name swallowed me whole… He’d be the one real thing I ever chose.
My secret sin.
My only freedom.
At least then I’d have the memories of a time when I thought dreams could come true.
I didn’t remember gettingin my car, didn’t remember the drive across town or how I scaled the walls surrounding Edelwood House like I belonged on the other side of them. I’d overheard Sin once, telling Thalia he lived in the pool house because his aunt refused to let him stay in the main building—said she was afraid he’dtaint it. I’d laughed it off at the time, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How a person could be made to feel like a stain just by existing.
I hadn’t given much thought to how criminals broke into homes, but as I crept through the gardens like a thief in the night, adrenaline buzzed beneath my skin. For the first time in my life, I was taking control. Not posing, not performing—just acting on something raw and real. Desire I’d spent a lifetime burying deep enough to pretend it never lived inside me at all.
When I reached the door to the pool house, the air rushed out of my lungs so fast I staggered. My hand hovered above the handle.What the fuck am I doing?All the lights were off. I glanced at my watch. It was just past one in the morning.
This was insane. Breaking into someone’s home in the middle of the night like I was... what? Hoping he’d wake up andfall into my arms? Hope was the stupidest part of it all. I should have turned around. But my feet were rooted to the ground. This was reckless, irrational, possibly catastrophic.
And I’d never felt so alive.
I dragged in a breath, tried to center myself, but my hands were clammy, and my heart was beating like it wanted out. I pushed the door open.
And there he was.
Asleep. Sheets kicked off one leg, chest bare, rising slow and steady. Moonlight spilled in through half-open blinds, painting his skin in silver and shadows. His hair was a mess—wild and curling in a way that made my fingers itch to touch it. He looked peaceful, almostvulnerable, like this version of him only existed in his sleep, when the world couldn’t see.
And that was when my knees buckled. I sank to the floor beside his bed, like the weight of everything finally collapsed me from the inside out.
“Sin,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
He stirred, eyelids fluttered. He blinked slowly, confusion giving way to sharp clarity. And when he saw me, reallysawme—curled up on his floor, trembling and undone—he shot upright.
“Theo? Jesus—what the hell—are you okay? What happened?”
I crawled onto the bed without answering, arms reaching for him like gravity itself was pulling me into him. My body pressed against his before he could think to stop me. I needed to feel something solid. Something real.
