“What?”
“You getting bossy like that. Feel free to do it whenever you want to.”
Heat rushes to my cheeks, but Kennedy grabs me and pulls me closer to him. He folds my legs across his and runs his hand over my cheek.
“I also really like when you blush. And make me picnics.”
“I was so scared you’d hate it.”
He sighs and rests his forehead against mine. “I have a feeling we’re going to be two complete idiot boyfriends who mess up and overthink and have no idea what we’re doing.”
“It’ll be nice not being the only one.”
CHAPTER
THIRTY
KENNEDY
“Wait. I have something for you,” Ziggy says, untangling himself from where I was very comfortably holding him.
I’m still in awe over, well,everythingtonight.From the cute date to him telling me point-blank that he doesn’t like me not being around. The hurt side of me doesn’t believe he means it, that as soon as I give in to who I am, he’ll run screaming, but the side of me that’s in awe of him is hopeful. I know he doesn’t like to talk, so him using all those words on me has got me right in the chest.
Maybe, finally, I won’t have to fight for someone to see me.
He opens the basket and pulls out?—
“What the hell is that?”
The smile he gives me is part cocky, part proud. I watch as Ziggy moves a few feet away, sets the firework on the ground, then lights it. A firework. Just like I’d joked about wanting.
He backs up as the string burns, and then it shoots into the sky. There’s a bang and an explosion of light, but I miss the whole thing.
I’m too busy staring at the side of Ziggy’s face.
At the way the red light brings his features alive.
And feeling the way my whole world narrows into the man standing in front of me while one thought fills my mind.
I’ve never been in love before.
Every moment up until a second ago, I would have sworn I had. I’ve felt it, I’ve dived into it, given it my all. But with one firework, Ziggy has cleaved my life in half.
Now I can’t work out what was so great about it all.
He laughs as he joins me back on the blanket. “Sorry, I could only get one last minute. That was fun though.”
For the first time ever, caring about someone doesn’t hurt.
“When I was younger,” I whisper. “I’m sure I remember Mom playing with us. Building forts, and teaching me to ride my bike and …” The memories always make my throat close up. “Something happened. I can’t even pinpoint when, but it was like … I had her, and she was my mom, and then one day, it hit me that I hadn’t had her for a very long time. She was still there physically, but the person in her body wasn’t anyone I knew. Dad was always sort of distant, so when he left one day and didn’t come back, it didn’t hurt as much.”
Ziggy slides his legs back over mine, and I pull him close to my chest. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say, but I need the cover of my face buried into his hair before I can say it.
“It’s always been me and Hart. He’s my twin. My other half. Then Hudson was the one I looked up to. But I lost them too.” My eyes sting, and every word tears at me. “All I’ve ever wanted was to not be alone, Ziggy. To have someone care about me like I care about them. Someone who won’t abandon me just because I want to be needed.” My body shakes, and I’m goddamn crying.I don’t know when it started or how to make them stop, but I’m so relieved to finally be getting these words out. “I have felt like the biggest failure for so goddamn long.” I sniff back the tears and pull away so I can see him. He’s got that pinched look he gets sometimes, like he’s trying to bury his thoughts, but I need him to see how much this means to me. “Thank you. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be seen.”
He dries my tears the same way I dried his, and I know I’m fucked. I know he’s going to ruin me. I know, without a doubt, that if things don’t work out with Ziggy, it won’t be the same.
Our failure won’t be a notch in a long line of past regrets.
