“You don’t have to—” Kennedy tries, attempting to be polite as always.
“Hush, you.” She bats her notepad toward Kennedy. “Anything for my favorite customer and his cute friend.”
She leaves us, and there’s no doubt in my mind that her friendliness has nothing to do with wanting a good tip.
I’m completely caught off guard by the sick feeling growing thick and fast in my gut. There’s a nasty little voice reminding me that this woman is exactly the type of person Kennedy shouldbe with. Sweet, pretty, easy to talk to. But the thought of him being with anyone but me is excruciating. Especially when I notice that he watched her walk away.
“You like her.” My voice is so weak, I’m not sure he’s heard me, but then he turns his attention my way.
“Caroline?”
I nod, bracing myself for his response.
Kennedy sighs, and my chest twists painfully when he doesn’t immediately deny it. “She gave me her number last time I was here.”
There it is. My teeth clench so hard I hear them crunch together.
“I gave it back to her.” His tone takes on a hint of something softer. “I like her enough as a person to know that I don’t want to lead her on. I’ve fallen in love too many times, and the next time I do it, I want to be sure. I want it to be for the last time.” His speckled green eyes meet mine suddenly. “I want to fall in love with someone who’ll appreciate it, Ziggy. Because there has to besomeone.”
Me. I’ll appreciate it. I’d savor every goddamn minute of it. The problem though?
I have no idea what love is.
I’ve never been given it. I’ve never felt it. I’ve never been able to get familiar with the look and shape and texture of something too many people take for granted.
Caroline drops off the cake, interrupting our moment, and the hopeful smile she gives Kennedy isn’t returned. For one brief, unwanted second, I understand what she’s feeling.
Then I go back to hating her.
We eat the cake, and Kennedy switches back to work, and while he’s not watching, I swipe his phone off the table. He told me his passcode earlier, so I unlock it and open the browser.Using a phone similar to this is a vague memory that doesn’t feel real.
Then I type into the search box.
What is love?
I scour entry after entry while he works.
When I’m done, I’m more confused than ever.
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
KENNEDY
It’s darker than I’m expecting when we leave the diner, thanks to the heavy clouds pressing overhead. I’m guessing we’re about to be in for one of those freak afternoon storms that hit suddenly and disappear just as quickly.
“Maybe we should wait out the rain,” I suggest.
Ziggy tips his head up to the sky, and since he knows this place better than I do, I’m going to take his opinion on it. With his head back, all that dark hair falls away from his face, and I get another rare glimpse of his relaxed features. Like with swimming at the river, it feels like being let in on a secret, and the strong tug I get behind my ribs is a warning.
I do this. Fixate on people. Pick out all the incredible, wonderful things about them and ignore the glaring red flags. But taking in Ziggy’s big eyes and sweet features reminds me that he has no red flags. He’s a quiet man who likes a quiet life.
His gaze falls on me. It takes a few seconds of looking at each other for me to realize I’m staring.
MaybeI’mthe red flag. Staring creepily at new friends is a fast way to turn them off. Even after a day so close to him I could hardly breathe, and whenever I did breathe, my nostrils filled with his lemony scent.
“There’s a bar down the street. Want to grab a drink while we wait?” It occurs to me that I have no clue what he actually does drink. “Alcoholic or nonalcoholic. Whichever.”
