“He hasn’t been around. I wanted to make sure he’s okay.”
He’s quiet while he plays with the nail. The tinychicksof it hitting the floor over and over swell between us. “You’re a really good person, you know.”
The comment catches me off guard. “I try to be. Don’t always manage it though.”
“You do more than you think.”
“A good person wouldn’t have messed up your relationship.” I’m half holding my breath as I say that because I’ve wanted to bring it up properly ever since he got back, but there hasn’t been a good time to do it without him getting mad again. The thing about Hudson is that getting mad is his way of covering all the other emotions lurking under the surface that he doesn’t want to face. But I guess we’re doing this now, and I just hope I’ve picked my moment right.
“Nah, I … You were right.” He shrugs aggressively, like he’s expecting me to rub it in. “We weren’t talking. We didn’t really know each other, and the fight fucking sucked, but it made him open up to me, so …”
I’m still not confident in their relationship, but what would I know? To me, romance is all about grand gestures and publicaffection, wanting to spend all of your time with the other person. That’s never been Hudson, and I can’t understand that way of loving. I probably never will.
“I’m glad things are going well.”
He lets out an aggressive exhale. “I should never have called you a loser.”
Something inside of me relaxes. It’s as good an apology as I’ll get from him, and the fact that he’s bringing it up now proves that it’s been on his mind since it happened. Did I like hearing that from my big brother? Not really. But I didn’t let it get to me because I’m not in elementary school, and I know he only went there because he was hurting.
Hudson doesn’t know how to hurt.
Just explode.
Whereas I’ve held hurt in my heart since my first girlfriend dumped me. It was a prickly lesson to learn that even when you think someone is more beautiful than the sky, they don’t have to feel the same way back.
So I can handle being called a loser.
“You shouldn’t have,” I confirm. “We’re good though. I’ve been called worse.” Needy, clingy, suffocating, Mommy issues. It would be a lot easier to deny those things if they weren’t partially true.
“No one should be calling you worse.” He scowls, looking ready to fight all my past demons.
I give him a teasing shove. “I don’t like when people are assholes to my brothers either. Now will you believe me when I say you deserve better?”
He glowers and turns back to the nail. “I already do.”
“What?”
“Know that,” he grumbles. “It’s why I left when I did.”
“I thought you left because Wilde broke up with you?”
“No, I left because he couldn’t open up to me, and everything you kept telling me got into my head, and I realized that if Wilde couldn’t even say he wanted me, then we were doomed already.”
“Wait.Youended it?”
“Kind of.”
I’m so happy, I could hug him. All of his past relationships have been horrible, and knowing that he’s finally put his foot down fills me with more relief than I’m expecting it to. “You chose yourself.”
“I guess.” He dusts his hands off and pushes to his feet. “And so did Wilde. So it all worked out okay.”
I know I should quit while I’m ahead, but I can’t. “And if it didn’t? If Wilde didn’t step up, would you have come back? Would you have forgiven me?”
A small smile sneaks through his defenses. “I was never mad at you. Unfortunately, you’re my safety, and Wilde wasn’t here to yell at, so you caught it all. I shouldn’t have done that. And I’m working on it.”
“I’ve noticed.”
“You have?” His messy eyebrows lift toward his hairline.
