Just like the sun, he’s unreachable.
Lea saidchieftain, but as I watch him,Godfeels like the more fitting word. Something about him makes my body respond in ways that scare me. I want to kneel at his feet and drop my head to the ground in utter surrender.
His face remains imprinted deep in my brain for the rest of the night as Asbjörn drives me home and I slip into bed. My dreams are full of sharp blue eyes, calloused hands gripping my face, and ravens flocking around a majestic figure with a long, braided beard.
5
Elina
The next day, I find myself venturing into the mountains that rise toward the sky at the edge of town. I haven’t done so enough, even though they were part of the reason why I came here—the mountains and to get away from my hectic Stockholm life and cheating fiancé, Gustav. I still can’t believe I’m here, twenty-nine and single, in a new town far away from a home that suddenly seems like it never really was a home.
Instead of taking the usual trail at the edge of the town, I drive out to a remote location, where my hiking app says I can find a manageable mountain trail.
I spend two hours hiking there, taking in the snow-clad trees and the tall peaks above, listening to the wind and the few birds that dare to remain during the cold season. The trees provide a comforting shelter against the cold bite of the winter wind, and the snow crunches under my boots. There’s not a sound of civilization. It’s just me and the trees, and I sink into this peaceful trance that lulls my frazzled soul and heals some of the cracks in my heart.
But it’s not just the hurt Gustav caused that I need a relief from today; what I need is space to process everything that happened last night. It went way beyond any expectations or fantasies I ever had, but it also scared and shook me. I shouldn’tgive in to a man like that after what happened with Gustav: surprising him at his office when he worked late and finding him inches deep in his secretary. What a cliché. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
No, what I should be doing is locking my heart up tight.
But Asbjörn easily made his way past my shields and cracked me open. And not just Asbjörn. Something about the club made me want to shed my carefully built defenses, just like that.
Images, sounds, and sensations keep flickering through my mind even as I take in my beautiful surroundings. The music, the raw sexual energy, and the atmosphere that called upon something ancient and instinctive. Asbjörn’s evocative tattoos, the burn and desire unleashed with each strike of his flogger, and the attentive way he guided me through the scene.
But what haunts my thoughts the most are those unforgiving blue eyes. The soft kiss Ulf pressed upon my forehead. I can almost feel it, lingering and burning with something unspoken and very potent. He haunted my dreams all night. I woke up drenched in sweat, hot and panting, my thighs grinding against each other. It was his face I saw when I slipped my fingers between my legs and brought myself to a staggering orgasm. And it was his face I saw when I slipped back into sleep.
I still can’t believe he saw everything.
The thought makes me cringe even as it sends a sharp rush of desire through my veins. I knew that people would see our scene when I let Asbjörn restrain me to the cross, but I thought Ulf had left. And what makes it even worse is that he didn’t just see a little. He watched the whole thing. Like it was a movie.
“Argh,” I grunt under my breath, pressing my hands to my cheeks as I come to a halt and drop my head back. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much that he saw, when I didn’t mind others watching. Maybe it was the way he watched me like he could see past all my defenses and see all the hurt andinsecurities wrenching at my insides. Or maybe it was the way he watched me like I belonged to him. But not in a condescending way. It was just the natural way of things. And I want more of that.
Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I continue walking, but come to a halt again when I see a strange sign.
Private Forest Area
Possibility for ongoing activities.
Enter at your own risk.
Unexpected sights may occur.
I reread the sign several times, trying to make sense of it. “Private Forest Area” signs are common in Sweden. You can own forest land, but “Allemansrätten”—The Right of Public Access—allows everyone to move about freely in nature, even if the land is privately owned. You can’t legally forbid someone from going into a forest or onto a mountain, but this sign seems to strongly warn against venturing further.
Ongoing activities?If the sign referred to hunting or forestry work, wouldn’t it state so directly? And what exactly areunexpected sights?The wording is more than a little strange. Cryptic even.
I take out my phone to check the hiking app. It wants me to turn and avoid the private area. It’s tempting to continue straight ahead anyway to see if I can catch a glimpse of something that might explain the odd wording, but I decide against it. Venturing up here on my own at this time of year is already a risk since I don’t know the land. I only dare to do so because I have an app showing a well-trodden trail.
So I move on and try to forget about it, along with a whole slew of other thoughts. I succeed for long stretches of timeas nature works its magic upon me and calms my still-shaken system.
Being here at the edge of the mountain now, I don’t understand why I decided to stay in the city after I graduated five years ago. The trees, the mountains, and even the biting cold are in my blood. I spent the first twelve years of my life in a place like this until my dad got a job that forced us to move. I haven’t realized just how much I missed it until today.
When I go back to my car after two hours, it’s not because I want to leave, but my frozen fingers and toes force me to do so.
With a pulsing urge to return to the mountains soon, I go straight into town to go shopping for warmer boots and woolen gloves. I also end up in the historic section of a bookstore on a whim, where I find two books about Nordic mythology and paganism that I buy.
When I get home, I see that I’ve received a text from Asbjörn. When he dropped me off last night, he insisted on getting my number, so he could check in with me over the weekend.
Sweet Elina
