Matt’s absencehurt, in a way he didn’t understand. His wolf was grieving somewhere deep inside.
Finally,he heard the door at the end of the hallway open. There was no mistaking Matt’s long, easy stride along the hallway. Right until he got to Jesse’s door, when his stride hitched, then stopped.
Jesse couldn’t breathe. He didn’t move, didn’t make a sound, but his wolf surged forward inside him, desperate. Jesse clenched his fists against the overwhelming urge to get to his feet, to open the door, to press against Matt’s warmth.
He’s going to knock,Jesse told himself. He’s going to knock. He’s going to stop me.
But the knock never came.
The silence stretched too long, and ithurt.Jesse’s throat worked, his pulse racing in his ears as he sat there, listening. Waiting.
A boot scuffed against floorboards, and he heard a slow reluctant step. Matt was walking away.
Jesse pressed his knuckles against his mouth, smothering a sound he didn’t recognize. One he’d never made before. His chest ached, like something had gone very wrong inside him.
Matt was letting him go.
Matt always fought. Matt was the most stubborn, protective alpha there’d ever been. But not in this. He was letting Jesse leave because that was what Jesse wanted. His wolf whimpered, sharp and broken. This was supposed to be the right thing to do, the only thing hecoulddo. So why did it feel like he was being torn apart?
Didn’t matter. He zipped his duffel and stood, wondering why his legs were trembling. There was no going back—the moment he walked out the door, there was no route back for him. Not to Matt, not to the pack.
The pack. That damn pack. If only Matt didn’t have a pack, if only he didn’t want Jesse as part of his pack, then Jesse could have stayed with him.
He hefted his duffel onto his shoulder and turned toward the door. It felt like his feet were stuck in quicksand because he justcouldn’ttake that step. That first step that would get him away from here.
Karl’s voice, low and serious, drifted through from the kitchen. How the hell had Jesse managed to stay here so long he could identify their voices, for fuck’s sake?
Because it wasn’t just a pack, he realized, and something inside him felt like it shifted, locked into place. It was Bryce and Tristan and Jason. Karl and Dave and Christian. They were people who cared about one another, had cared abouthim.Except for Christian, though having overheard him with Dave, Jesse had a new understanding of how mad he must be at Jesse for hurting Dave.
The trembling got worse, and he doubled over, his duffel hitting the ground with a thud. His wolf threw itself against his insides, trying to get him to move. To go to Matt.
God, was this the right thing? Hecouldn’tbe the cause of something happening to Matt, but if he left… Another sorrow to add to the sadness he’d seen in Urban’s eyes. Another wound, only this one wouldn’t leave scars on his skin.
He didn’t have therightto decide for Matt. Only for himself.
And Jesse wanted to stay.
The duffel lay abandoned on the floor as he stole toward the kitchen, each board underfoot betraying him with tiny creaks.
The kitchen was empty. Horror punched through him, cold and deadly. No. He wasn’t too late. Hecouldn’tbe too late.
He lunged to the window—and thank God. He sobbed a breath as he gripped the counter. They were still there. Restlessly pacing on four paws, waiting for Matt’s signal.
The next thing he knew, he was shoving open the door, stepping onto the porch, and shifting. He hesitated for the merest instant under the barrage of eyes turned on him. Then he crept toward Matt.
This was the hardest thing he’d ever done, bar none. For so many years, his independence had been all he had, all hewas.It had kept him alive. But maybe… maybe freedom wasn’t the most important thing anymore. Not if it meant losing Matt.
He dipped his head in submission as he approached, flattening his ears and tucking his tail. And then he saw the weight of sorrow in the green eyes on him, and his breathing faltered.
Matt didn’t look angry. He didn’t look disappointed. He just looked lost. Like Jesse had already left him. Jesse had thought he’d been protecting Matt, when really he’d been punishing him.
Panic speared through Jesse when Matt made no move to acknowledge him. Had he already ruined everything past mending?
He crouched and rolled over, baring his throat. Any one of the pack could rip him open, but he had to do this. For Matt. And maybe for himself.
He lay there, exposed, the finality of his choice a slow burn beneath his skin. And still, Matt didn’t move.
Jesse had left this too late. He’d rejected Matt, and now Matt didn’t want him. But he lay there anyway because without Matt… Without Matt, he’d never be whole again.
