Jesse blinked. Notordered. Asked. That, almost more than anything else, shook him.
“If you want,” he muttered, suddenly unsure of everything.
As Matt swung around to speak to Jason, telling him to take a seat because Matt was going to cook breakfast, it brought yet another complication into focus. Even if Jessewerewilling to join the pack, he’d never have Matt completely to himself. He’d always have to share him.
It wasn’t like Jesse was used to havinganyonein his life. Even part of Matt Urban was more than he’d had before, and it should be enough for him. But it wasn’t. He was greedy. If he was going to be with Matt, he wantedallof him.
* * *
Matt made breakfast for the entire pack as they drifted in, looking tired and cold. That fact should have reinforced that Matt’s loyalty, his attention, was spread thinly. Instead, Jesse found himself watching Matt with an unexpected fondness. When Matt said the alpha role was about protection, it hadn’t been just words. He was living it, looking after them in every way he could.
Jesse might never understand the way Matt gave himself over to his pack without hesitation, why he took that sense of responsibility on himself. But it didn’t stop him admiring the hell out of it.
After breakfast, when Bryce and Tristan insisted on cleaning up, Matt glanced at Jesse. With a slight inclination of his head, he got Jesse to follow him to his room.
“I need to go to work,” he said. “As much as anything else, I want to see if I can pick up any intel on non-shifter channels about a stray pack out there, given that shifters know nothing about it. But when I get back, it would seem like a good idea for us to… talk.”
The pause before the final word made Jesse grin, tension fleeing. Matt still wasn’t one for talking about feelings and shit.
“If you have to,” he agreed.
Relief was in Matt’s eyes as he smiled at Jesse, a soft, pleased smile. But then he moved toward Jesse, and Jesse found himself taking an instinctive step back. Seemed his body remembered last night. Matt froze, picking up instantly on Jesse’s discomfort.
“You don’t ever touch me like that again,” Jesse told him.
“I won’t,” Matt said, holding Jesse’s warning gaze.
And Jesse believed him. But…
“That don’t mean you can’t touch me in other ways.” Because hedefinitelywanted some more of that Matt Urban sex.
The strain in Matt’s face vanished, and he laughed. “Don’t tempt me when I have to get to work,” he warned Jesse, but he moved toward him. Didn’t touch, but stood there, invitation in his gaze.
Jesse stepped forward to reach up and kiss him, plastering himself against Matt’s firm body, and gasping when Matt’s tongue slid into his mouth. It did a lot more while it was there, too, and when Matt finally drew back, Jesse was breathing unevenly.
“Fuck, Urban,” he said.
“Later,” Matt promised. And then he kissed Jesse again, another long, deep kiss that let Jesse know just how much he wanted this. WantedJesse.
* * *
With nothing else to do in Matt’s absence, Jesse had wanted to shift and explore the pack’s territory, but Matt had suggested to Jesse that he stay close to the house today. It had come out more like an order than a suggestion, but Jesse appreciated the attempt. And hell, the suggestion made sense if there might still be hostiles out there.
At a loose end, he curled up in one of the chairs on the porch and let himself sink into it. It was damn comfortable—the kind of chair a person could get used to. From here, he could see the land stretching out, watch the breeze stirring the trees. It was quiet here, in a different way from the quiet he was used to. Not empty or lonely, just still.
He tipped his head back against the cushion, eyes drifting closed as he listened to the faint rustle of leaves, the distant calls of birds. No one here he had to guard against. No one wanting anything from him. Just space and peace.
Before he realized it, sleep stole over him.
* * *
He had no idea how much later it was when he woke. Stretching and rubbing at the crick in his neck, Jesse wondered how Matt was coping with a day at work after a night of no sleep. He’d have to tempt him to bed early tonight to make sure he caught up on sleep.
Karl didn’t seem to have stopped, either. Jesse had already seen him slinking through the trees before breaking into an effortless lope, as if he hadn’t already been out there all night and half the day. Kind of felt safe, knowing he was there. He looked like he belonged here. But belonging came with strings attached.
Jesse shook his head, trying to dispel the circle of thoughts his mind was trapped in. He’d go to see Missy’s foal. That’d distract him.
But he got waylaid at the corral, where one of the horses—a big black with a flowing mane and a stubborn streak—had his head over the fence, bobbing as if he expected applause.
