And then Jesse was sitting alone in the kitchen.
* * *
The house was too quiet, too still. Jesse prowled through it aimlessly. He didn’t know what he was searching for, only that something was wrong inside him.
He wasn’t a member of the pack. He didn’t want to be. That was the deal, always had been. But something about the way Matt had said it, flat and final, lodged under Jesse’s ribs. Like he’d lost something he hadn’t even known he wanted.
He wasn’t pack. Wasn’t family. Wasn’t anyone’s.
He shook his head sharply, as if that could clear the thought. He needed to do something. Maybe those damn devil birds needed feeding again.
At least the chickens wouldn’t look at him like he didn’t belong.
MATT
Janice was waiting for him at the office, a bitter black coffee in one hand and something much more ominous in the other.
“I was beginning to think you were avoiding me, Sheriff,” she said, passing him the coffee. “But I know you’d never miss the deadline for the Annual Report.”
Oh,fuck.Why had Matt forced himself to leave Jesse and come in? No one would have noticed another few weeks’ absence.
She slapped the manila file down on his desk. Janice was old school. She spent as much time on her phone as Tristan, but when it came to work, she liked everything printed out and filed. Probably in triplicate. “Systems can be hacked. Paper can’t,” she’d said, the one and only time he’d protested the destruction of so many trees.
“I’ve marked up the sections I couldn’t complete, and I’ve drafted your commentary on the statistics,” she told him, earning a groan of gratitude.
“Janice, I could kiss you.”
“While thatwouldmake my job description more interesting, you obviously haven’t read the updated harassment guidelines.” Her eyes were laughing at him over her half-moon glasses. “I’ll keep the rest of them at bay so you can get this done, Sheriff.”
He settled down to his least-favorite part of the job, and for a few hours, he lost himself in Excel charts and tables. Around lunchtime, Bryce popped his head in. Janice must have gone to lunch, because she was about the only person in the world Bryce couldn’tcharm.
“Lunch?”
“God, yes.” Then Matt looked at the amount of work he still had to do. “Rain check?”
Bryce retreated with a sympathetic sound, but twenty minutes later, he was back, bearing grease-sodden boxes.
“As you can’t come to lunch, I brought lunch to you.”
Even the smugness in Bryce’s face didn’t make him and his boxes any less welcome. Matt swept Janice’s papers to one side, and Bryce sat down opposite him while they worked their way through pizzas that would probably have Jason weeping in despair. But they had grease and fat andcheese,and they were just the shot in the arm Matt needed.
Even though he’d slept a long time last night, he couldn’t help wishing he was still in bed. He’d woken up that morning with something inside him finally close to peace, and Jesse pressed against him. Jesse’s scent had been everywhere—the sheets, pillows, Matt’s own skin.
He should have gotten up. Should have gotten on with the busy day ahead of him. Instead, he’d juststayed,breathing Jesse in, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest against Matt’s. Like hebelongedthere. And then, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Matt had fallen asleep beside him again.
“Jesse’s not joining the pack then?” Bryce asked, through a mouthful of pizza.
Not for the first time, Matt wondered if Bryce was slightly psychic. He concentrated hard on peeling bits of pepperoni off his slice because he liked to eat them separately. Only when he had a small pile in front of him did he answer, by then secure that none of his feelings would leak through his words.
“He’s made it very clear he doesn’t want to stay, and he’s not interested in joining any pack.” He glanced up at Bryce. “But yeah, you were right yesterday. When the time comes for him to leave, I’ll tell him about the mate thing.”
Bryce frowned. “Maybe I’m being too logical, but don’t you think that if you tell him sooner than that, he might want to stay?”
Matt huffed. “You haven’t spent much time with him, have you? He doesn’t believe in mates in the first place, and his independence is everything to him. I’ve tried to tell him alphas aren’t all about control, but—” He broke off before he could give any more away, and swiftly changed the subject. “What did you and Shannon dig up for the audit?”
Bryce followed Matt’s lead, and Jesse wasn’t mentioned again. But something inside Matt was restless. Hewantedto keep Jesse in his bed and in his arms. For the first time in years, he wanted to reach for something, to have something just because it felt good.
But it didn’t matter. Jesse wouldn’t want this. The minute he began feeling trapped, he’d leave.
