Jesse was already moving before he’d fully processed the words. Matt had to be in his den—that was where he and Bryce had headed earlier. Not that Jesse had been watching them or anything.
As he walked down the long, familiar hallway, Bryce’s words burrowed into Jesse. Notwants you, butneeds you. Jesse didn’t know what he was walking into, but his feet carried him forward before his brain could catch up.
He pushed open the door and found Matt, hands outstretched on the mantel, arms rigid, like they were the only things holding him up. His head hung low, staring at the empty fireplace as if it held the answer to something.
The body language was completely unlike Matt. It smacked of defeat. Jesse stared for an instant before coming in and pushing the door closed behind him.
“Out.” Matt soundedwrecked.His voice, usually so deep and rich, was like sandpaper.
Jesse had no idea what the hell had happened, but he knew one thing—he wasn’t leaving. Not when it looked like Matt was one wrong move from breaking apart. He perched on an armchair and waited to find out what was going on.
“I said, getout.” Matt’s voice had a lethal edge to it—cold and utterly terrifying.
Jesse curled up in the chair, making himself comfortable. His whole life, he’d known when to walk away. It had kept him alive. But this was Matt, and for some reason, he was beginning to matter to Jesse.
“You’re goin’ to have to throw me out,” he said conversationally.
Matt drew in a breath that sounded horrifyingly like a sob, and Jesse froze. This was way outside his experience.
He wanted to—hell, he didn’t even know. Say something? Put a hand on Matt’s shoulder? Fuck that. Matt wouldn’t want that. But Jesse was still desperate to help somehow, to take away whatever was wrong.
And then Matt turned to face him, and his face… Ravaged was the only word that came to Jesse’s mind. Like centuries of pain had been carved into marble that was now cracking, gaping open, revealing yet more pain underneath. He looked old and haggard, and his eyes… It physicallyhurtto hold his gaze, with the heaviness of sorrow in them.
“Matt.” Jesse kept his voice low, steady. If he spoke too loud, Matt might shatter.
After the longest moment of Jesse’s life, Matt half-turned from him, rubbed his hands over his face and left them there a while. Then he turned back to Jesse, painful question in his eyes. “You ever carry a weight so long that, when it’s taken away, it feels wrong to be without it?”
“Can’t honestly say I have, but I do know what it’s like to carry a weight.” Jesse’s lips twisted without his permission. “It’s exhausting, eatin’ up everything you are.”
“And everything you could be.” Matt closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “Just—give me a minute.”
Jesse would give him however long he needed. Because Matt wasn’t running, like he had last night. He wasn’t shutting Jesse out, even if he hadn’t told him what was going on. Whatever it was, it had to be something terrible to leave a mark like this on a man like Matt Urban. And then, Jesse remembered their earlier conversation, about people dying. Seemed like maybe Matt had been carrying a soul-crushing weight for a long time.
Jesse sat quietly, and Matt didn’t tell him to leave.
That shouldn’t have mattered so much. But it did.
MATT
He breathed, deep and slow. It was all he could do. Lindsey had broken something open inside him, and the shards were still rearranging themselves back into something—not whole. He’d never be whole again, not the way he had been. But something that no longer sliced him every time he breathed.
Of them all, Lindsey had the most reason to hate him, to blame him for ruining her life. But the only people to blame, she’d said, were those who’d attacked them. There’d been no lie in her voice. And Lindseyalwayssaid what she meant.
She’d said she missed him, too. She was careful to say nothing that could be interpreted as blaming Weaver for the fact he’d left, but she was sorry he’d gone.
Matt had been reeling when he ended the call. The guilt that had threatened to crush him wasn’t gone, but it wasn’t the only truth anymore. And then Jesse had come to him, refusing to let Matt drive him away.
He finally looked over at Jesse, whose blue eyes were warm and soft.
Matt scrubbed his hand down his face. “Come to bed with me?”
Jesse blinked, and his lips parted, as if he were waiting for Matt to say something more. Something suggestive, with more heat.
But Matt didn’t want that, not tonight. He wanted not to be alone, but more than that—he wanted to be withJesse.
Jesse untangled himself from the pretzel he’d twisted himself into and got to his feet. And it was like he knew that what Matt needed was simply his quiet presence. He headed for the door, and looked back, his fingers around the handle.
“You comin’?” he asked.
