“Uh, thanks, I think. So what’s up?”
He rubbed his hands over his face. “Honestly, Ollie, I think I’ve just realised something, and I need to sort through it myself.”
It sounded like he was blowing me off, but his eyes told a different story. Mia had said at the moot that he never shared what he was thinking until he’d made up his mind, whereas I preferred to talk through things with an audience in order to reach my revelation. He wasn’t shutting me out; it was how he processed things. I hoped.
“Sorry,” he said, standing up, his coffee untouched. “I need to fly. I’ll be back later.”
“Can’t I come with you?”
He shook his head. “Not this time.”
I knew—well, Ithought—that whatever was bugging him wasn’t to do with me, but I hated the way he was putting up walls between us. I watched him open the back door and held back a sigh.
He stood in the doorway for a moment, looking at me. His face softened. “Come on.”
“Really?”
I didn’t know why a simple question made him wince.
“Is it that much of a surprise that I changed my mind?”
“Honestly, yes.” I crossed the room to him. “You always know exactly what you want, and there’s no room for compromise.” I wished I had half the sense of purpose he and my brothers had, instead of floating through life aimlessly the way I did.
He was looking at me, but he seemed lost inside his own head.
“Fuck,” he said at last. Instead of moving outside, he returned to his chair and sank into it.
“Why did you change your mind about me coming?” I asked, sitting beside him.
“You looked sad, and I hated that I’d made you look like that. I have a talent for it.”
“For making me sad? You do the opposite.”
“Maybe not you,” he said. “At least, not yet. But Tim. And when Mia said what she did about her dress, I realised that I do the same to her, too.”
“She was joking,” I said, because she’d been teasing him.
“Maybe, but there was truth in there too.”
I shut up. He knew his family better than I ever could.
“No one would have taken an eighteen-year-old seriously as head of the family if I hadn’t made them. I had to be decisive and commanding, and impose my will on them. And now…Tim thinks that all I am is the head of his family, not his brother. Not someone who cares about him or—or listens to him.”
I’d never expected Archer to open up to anyone, let alone me. And he’d taken over responsibility for the family ateighteen?I couldn’t even imagine what that must have been like. He was always the protector, but I wondered who had protected him.
“Do you think there’s any truth to what Tim thinks?” I asked softly.
“Probably,” he confessed. “But I don’t know how to change it.”
By listening to Tim, would be my advice. But how could I say that to him without it sounding insultingly simplistic and also critical? “For what it’s worth, Archer, I think you’re fucking amazing, taking responsibility for your family so young and keeping them safe all these years. If you’ve made any mistakes along the way, you’re no different from the rest of us in that regard.”
He shook his head slightly as he looked at me, a smile vying with the sorrow in his eyes. “You really are a ball of eternal optimism and sunshine, aren’t you? But you didn’t see Tim’s face earlier. He hates me.”
“I don’t think he does. Did you tell him about having his friends over?”
“Yeah, and for an instant, I thought I got through to him. It all changed when I said it was your idea.”
I couldn’t help it—I winced.
