“Nate.” Alex’s voice was firm. “It’s not your fault. They did this to themselves.” He wrinkled his nose. “Well, perhaps not Ella. Maybe Margaret can do something to help her. I think she likes Ella.”
That was some comfort, at least.
He kissed me. It was difficult to keep thinking of bad things when his lips were on mine. Afterwards, he looked carefully at me. “You okay?”
I thought about it and realised I probably was. Although I’d been the catalyst, I hadn’t caused the underlying problems.
“I will be,” I promised him.
ALEX
We didn’t dwell on the subject of the Fortescues. I could see how it hurt Nate. I wouldnevertell him that Anna Fortescue had demanded my presence on that river trip. I didn’t know if she’d been party to Steven’s plans, but Nate mustn’t find out there was even a possibility she’d colluded with Steven. Colluded in events that would have led to Nate’s murder. Something cold crawled down my spine at the thought. I wasn’t sure I would ever get over what had almost happened in that room.
Instead, I raised the subject I’d so carefully avoided until now. After everything, I didn’t think Nate would leave me without a backward glance, but my gut still clenched as I asked, “What happens now? I’m going home, probably sooner rather than later, and you’ll be back to London for work.”
In the past, the answer had always been the same—We’ll stay in touch. I’ll visit. And they never did. But this wasNate.“I can come and visit you in London,” I said. “If you want.”
“I’d love that.” His voice was warm, and my gut unclenched slightly. “And I can’t wait for you to show me Cornwall. Perhaps, before I go to London, I could come back with you for a couple of days? If Margaret agrees, of course.”
“Or,” I said persuasively, leaning up on one elbow and undoing the buttons on his shirt, “you could stay a bit longer than that. Your grandfather asked you to set up a meeting with Margaret, and you know what a stickler for etiquette she is. Everything has to be done properly. You’d need to suck up to her for at least a couple of weeks before broaching the subject of a meeting.”
His eyes were full of laughter. “You seem to forget that I’ve met Margaret.” And then he realised. “But Bim hasn’t yet. You really are the brains of this operation.”
“Notjustthe brains, I hope.” I was on the last button by now and slid my hand inside his shirt. His chest was warm, his heartbeat speeding up beneath my touch. He kissed me, a different sort of kiss from those we’d been exchanging up till now. His tongue was in my mouth and his hands were on my arse, holding me tightly against him.
Just as things were heating up nicely, he pulled away. “I’m sorry,” he said, and he wouldn’t look at me. “I don’t—I think it’s the drugs.”
Oh, damn. I’d sort of forgotten his near-death experience, only minutes after swearing I’d never forget it. My disappointment turned into concern as hestillwouldn’t look at me. His gaze was concentrated somewhere around my collar bone.
I wasn’t sure if he didn’t want to have sex or if he was having a performance issue. Either way, I would have given him space to recover from what was unnecessary embarrassment, except that something in the way he held himself so rigidly suggested this was more than embarrassment, however excruciating. Giving him space might be the wrong thing to do.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, wincing internally at my stupid choice of words. “I bet the people in the next room will be thankful.”
Hestillwasn’t looking at me.
I had the distinct impression my touch would be unwelcome. I didn’t know what to say. In the end, I said what was true. “I love you,” I reminded him.
His gaze flew up to meet mine, disbelief in his eyes. His reaction suddenly made awful sense to me, and, not for the first time, I wanted to wring Charlie Fortescue’s bloody neck.
“I’m not with you for sex, Nate,” I assured him, needing him to know I wasn’t another Charlie, another faceless guy at a club, using him for his body. And then I heard what I’d said. I wasn’t insane, so I amended my statement. “I mean, notjustfor sex.”
Cautiously, I reached out to him, and he allowed me to put my arms around him. Unsure what else to do, because lying in continued silence would somehow be like drawing a big neon arrow over what had just happened, I told him about Cornwall and the places he’d discover when he visited.
“You’ll love flying there. Those rugged, rocky cliffs are made for launching yourself from, or so I’m told.” I suppressed my shiver at the thought. I’d never been able to get close to the cliff-edge in either form. “And then there’s the Lizard, the southern-most tip of Cornwall. All the books say the name comes from a bastardisation of the Cornish name, but I have my doubts. I think it’s a reference to us, to dragons.”
He still hadn’t said anything, but he was relaxing in my arms.
“I’d like to think dragons weren’t among the wreckers that were so active on the Cornish coast,” I told him truthfully. “Smuggling’s one thing, when you need to eat and you’re only cheating the government. But luring ships full of men to their deaths just to steal from them is too cold-blooded. Isn’t it weird that, though we’re kind of giant lizards, we’re not cold-blooded? I wonder how that works.”
On and on I rambled. It was nice to have someone listening to various thoughts I’d had over the years but had no one really to share them with.
In one of my rare pauses for breath, he drew back from me slightly and looked into my face. “I love you, Alex,” he said, and though it came out sounding like a sleepy murmur, his eyes were fully alert. They were overflowing with warmth and love, and my heart stopped.
I love you.A full sentence. No buts, no qualification. And the thing is, heknewme. He’d experienced my insecurities up close and personal when I’d so unattractively shown him after he came back from helping Charlie. We were from completely different worlds. And yet hestillloved me. I’d realised how much he cared when he’d been prepared to betray his family to protect me, but there was something inexplicably overwhelming about hearing him say it.
He kissed me, and my heart started again with a jolt. This was real. It was everything I’d ever wanted, except even better because it wasNate.
When our kiss ended, he fell asleep in my arms. I held him close, every part of me alight with joy.
