“Well, in the beginning, yeah,” I said, thinking back to my freshman year. Pledging was the scariest part. I knew I was walking into the lion’s den that used to belong to my father. But things weren’t exactly what I expected. There wasn’t a lot of toxic alpha behavior, but there was negligence. I despised the seniors and their obvious disdain for the fraternity’s philanthropy. All they wanted to do was party and ignore the real things in life, and that’s something I had spent most of my adolescence trying to escape. But then I met Atlas and his pack mates, and then Everett and Dax, and I realized I wasn’t the only person who wished the fraternity would take itself more seriously. I could turn it around for more than just petty revenge against my father. I could make a realdifference, for me and the guys I had met, who were so unlike the alphas I had known in my childhood. And after I became friends with Thatcher, everything became so much clearer.
“I realized that it was destined for me. And Ienjoyedit. Being a part of something bigger than myself. And having the tool of a fraternity has helped with a lot of charity. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish half the things I have so far. I’m proud of it.”
“As you should be. We were a mess before you took over. It’s admirable, what you’ve done.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been distant. Not just recently, but our whole friendship. There are things in my past that I don’t like to shine a light on, but I think if you knew them, you’d understand me a bit more.”
“Sam, there’s nothing you can tell me that will make me see you any differently. I’m here for you, always.”
I nod, thinking my next words clearly. “I think I’m ready to talk about it, about what happened with my parents. To you and the others. But there’s someone else I need to tell first.”
FORTY
Playing: “Green Eyes” by Coldplay
After Kitand Thatcher leave for their date, I realize that I’ve never been in this house by myself. For half a second, I thrive in it, but then that excitement begins to dwindle. It’s too quiet, the walls are too still, and my blanket feels scratchy against my skin.
I can barely focus on the new romance anime that I just started while it creeps over me, this weird loneliness that I’ve never felt before. Even Jemma is nowhere to be found. I felt alone in Cindy’s apartment, but there was always someone to annoy me. There was no real solace to be found, and before that, my roommate in the dorms was a chronic video game player. I never got a moment alone there either. I think the only time I had any time to myself was while living with Rory, which I miss sometimes because it was the perfect combination of solitude and friendship.
With that thought in mind, my chest aches. We still seeeach other often, and I try to catch up with her on campus as much as I can, but it’s different. Both Stacia and Rory have their new packs to navigate, and I’ve been keeping secrets.
One of these days, I’ll tell them everything. I’ll tell Stacia about my scent matches, and I’ll tell them both about my condition, but that day isn’t today. Still, I should check up on them.
I dial the number and slide my phone to my ear. The ringing persists, but when I finally hear my friend’s voice, my smile can’t be contained.
“Hey!” Rory answers.
“I’m bored. Entertain me.”
She laughs. “Luckily, I actually have a few minutes before I go to my night class.”
“Night class?” I scrunch my face with disgust. “The idea of being on campus after dark makes me feel nauseous.”
“It’s a little bit daunting, yes, but it’s a new improv class, and the teacher is really into astrology, so she likes for us to ‘perform under the stars.’”
“But it’s freezing outside.”
“Yes, which is why most of our skits turn into us being lost in a snowstorm,” she jokes. “This one guy actually stopped mid performance to have a breakdown about how cold it was, and the professor just clapped and told him how convincing his emotions were.”
A cackle escapes me. “No fucking way. Did he freak out?”
“No, he just dropped the class. We haven’t seen him since.”
She tells me more about her classes and how there’s a community center downtown that’s putting on a summer production ofCatsthat Jett wants to audition for. I tell her about how my teaching assignment is going, and we laugh about one of the children in my class who is determined to convince everyone else that blue is actually green. At first, we thought he was just being a convincing kid, but thetruth is his parents refuse to admit he’s colorblind, so he sincerely believes it’s the truth and that all of the staff are lying to him.
“So, how are things?” she asks, but I know what she’s really inquiring about.
“They’re good.” I try to act coy, but nothing gets past Rory.
She scoffs. “Good. Sure. We all saw how Sam and Thatcher acted after Uriah’s gig. Spill the tea!”
“There’s nothing to tell.” I bite my lip, contemplating the lie before blurting out, “Fine! Kit and I slept together.”
The line goes quiet for a moment before she yells out loud. The sound goes on forever, as she hoots and hollers her happiness to her heart’s content.
“Rory! Shut up! Your mates are going to wonder what’s going on.”
“I’m already on my way to class, so the only people that are curious are the students in the dorms I’m passing right now.”
