“Therapy, man. Hours and hours of therapy.”
Something flickered across his expression. “Therapy might not be a bad idea.”
“For you?” I asked, confused.
“For Ash.”
“Well, I’d suggest it, but I have a feeling he might not be very receptive to the idea if it came from me.”
He let out a belly laugh. “No shit. You’re basicallypersona non grataat the moment. I think the only reason he’s still talking to you is because he really wants to do the scene with Blue and me.”
“Will you talk to him about it? I’ll pay for it.”
Jax considered my question for a moment before answering. “He won’t take your money, Lukas. Not for this.”
“Then we can lie. You can offer to pay, and I’ll pay instead.” Deception wasn’t something I usually participated in, but I was too worried about Ash to care. If Jax thought he would benefit from therapy, then I wanted to give him the opportunity to have that. Ash meant a lot to me, but he had to work through his shit on his own. I couldn’t do it for him. I also couldn’t put my life on hold because he got his feelings hurt. That was something I’d reached out to my therapist to discuss after I asked Sawyer on a date.
Was I cruel to pursue something with Sawyer after Ash made his feelings known? Should I hold off until Ash got used to the idea that I wasn’t into him? My therapist basically told me that I couldn’t set myself on fire to keep other people warm. Meaning that I shouldn’t sacrifice things I wanted in an attempt to control other people’s feelings. Unless I gave Asher what he really wanted—which was me—there was no way to make him happy. And even if he did get what he wanted, it still wouldn’t guarantee that happiness. That was in Asher’s control. Not mine.
Jax looked at me with a bewildered expression. “I don’t think lying is the answer.”
“You’re probably right. He might not even need therapy. He’s still young. I remember being twenty. Everything is so big and messy when you’re that age.” I looked at Jax. “What do you think I should do? I don’t like how angry he is.”
Jax leaned against the counter and tucked his hands in his pockets. “Give him time. Space. Treat him like you always have. Show him nothing has changed. He’s probably still just really embarrassed. And maybe let him call some of the shots about the scene. Show him you value his judgement.” His face broke out into a smile. “I know it means giving up a little bit of that control you love so much.”
“I’m not that bad.”
Jax didn’t dignify my statement with a comment. “I think it would go a long way to mend that fence.”
“I’ll send him a message.”
Jax pushed away from the counter and pulled me into a brief hug. “He’ll come around.”
“I hope so.”
“Have fun tonight. That’s an order.” He let go of me and made his way to the front door. “And the sooner you message Ash, the better.”
He opened the door and paused, looking back at me. “The two of you will get through this.”
“Thanks, Jax.”
I glanced at the time and decided that sending a voice message to Ash would be faster than struggling with voice-to-text. I put the phone on the table in front of me and took a deep breath before hitting the button.
“Ash, hey, I was doing some thinking, and I wanted to know if you’d be interested in having a bigger role in the planning of your upcoming scene. I know I normally take the lead, butyou’ve been watching me for a couple of years now, and as it is your first scene, I want you to be as comfortable as possible. If having more control is something you’d be interested in, please let me know.” I hit the send button before I could change my mind.
I sent Sawyer a quick voice message next telling him how much I was looking forward to seeing him. That one I deleted before I sent it because I sounded too nervous, too eager. After a slow, deep breath, I tried again but deleted that one too.
Then I let voice-to-text write him a note instead.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been nervous about a guy, which made my stomach feel like a never-ending pit of butterflies. It took a few moments before I felt steady enough to get up and head for the shower. After all, Sawyer already liked me, at least enough to kiss me back.
NINETEEN
SAWYER
Getting ready for a date,as it turned out, was no easy task. I didn’t want to dress too nice because Lukas said that I should dress casual, but nice. Fashion wasn’t something I thought a lot about, but on one of my previous shopping trips, I’d discovered the wonderful invention that was the personal shopper.
I’d worked with DJ a few times now, trusting him to pick clothes for me. It took a lot of the stress of shopping off my shoulders, and most of the time I didn’t even care what he selected for me. He had good taste and was actually the sole reason I wore anything other than khakis and polo shirts.
