“Ignore her. She’s dramatic,” I told him.
He leaned down and scrubbed his fingers through her fur. “She had a big stretch. Didn’t you, Lara?” he said in a slightly different voice, the kind reserved for grown men to use on dogs and other cute animals.
I loved the way he was obviously infatuated with my dog. It made me feel good to see people love her as much as I did. She was an easygoing girl, always had been, but she seemed extra comfortable around Sawyer. It helped me feel extra comfortable around him.
“Did you have more questions for me?”
Sawyer shook his head. “Not tonight. We’ll have to talk about how you got started in the industry next. I’ll have questions then.”
“Well, we could have that conversation tonight,” I offered. “You’re already here, and we have wine. This conversation might require it.”
Sawyer looked at me again, his expression guarded this time, like he was trying to put that professional wall back up.
“It might be easier for both of us to treat it like a conversation between friends and not like… an interview.”
He nodded, then scrunched his forehead. For a moment, he looked worried about something, but then he forged ahead.
“Can I ask why you want to write this book? I’m not saying you shouldn’t; I’m just always curious about the motives of people who want to write memoirs or autobiographies.”
Pushing my plate to the side, I grabbed my wine and leaned back in my chair. “Well, honestly, this industry has been great and terrible for me, in equal parts. For a long time, I put a lotof the blame on my shoulders for what happened to me, but as I got older, I realized that what happened to me happens to a lot of young men. They don’t know better. They trust the wrong people. They believe the lines from the studios telling them that they’re like family.”
Sawyer nodded. “It’s like that in the business world too. My dad uses that line on people. It works more often than it doesn’t. And you wouldn’t think it would, but it’s one of those things you don’t want to argue against. Like, who doesn’t want to be treated like family?”
“God, how easy it is to prey on people. That’s just fucking depressing.” After a generous sip of my wine, I continued. “I guess that’s why I want to have this book written. I want to warn people. Maybe if I put this book out there, there will be less stories like mine. I want to protect people.”
“That’s admirable.”
I narrowed my gaze. “But?”
“But people are going to make their own mistakes.”
“At least I’ll have tried. And it might be good for me to get this shit out in the open. I’ve been to therapy, and I’ve done a lot of work on myself to be okay with what went down, but sometimes I wonder if I’m over it or if I’m just telling myself that.”
Plus now that I’d started the project and had met Sawyer, I couldn’t pull the plug. I liked Sawyer. He was good at listening, and I never felt judged or like he was only hanging out with me because I might fuck him one day if he was nice to me. Not that I didn’t want to fuck him. In fact, he was the first person in months that I’d felt even a glimmer of an attraction to.
“It’s brave, you know, to put your whole life out there like that. I could never.”
“I’m not brave, Sawyer. I’m just an old man who wants to tell his side of the story.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he nodded once. “I’d like to hear it.”
“How about I clear the table, and we can take Lara and the wine out back? I have a little firepit on the patio. It’s a warm night.” I realized after I suggested it how romantic it sounded. A fire. A clear night. A bottle of wine. If only it were a real date.
“I’d like that.”
If Sawyer also thought it was a little on the romantic side, he didn’t say anything. He did, however, excuse himself to the bathroom. I watched him go and heard the door shut, then I heard a soft thunk, as though he’d leaned against the door after. I made myself take a deep breath. At least I wasn’t the only one who needed a moment to calm down.
It took all my strength not to follow him to the bathroom like a creeper and knock on the door. Heck, I imagined talking to him through the wall or slipping a note under the door to let him know that it was okay to want this. At my feet, Lara let out a sigh. Even she could tell how ridiculous I was being and didn’t approve.
“Judgmental much?” I told her and she rolled her eyes at me, then went back to looking at the bathroom door. “Yeah, I know, girl. I like him too.”
THIRTEEN
SAWYER
What was I doing here?After a few deep breaths, I used the bathroom and tried not to look at myself in the mirror while I washed my hands. When I emerged, the evidence of our dinner had been cleared from the table, and Lukas waited in the kitchen for me. Lara was by the back door, her tail thumping against the wall in a slow, steady rhythm.
Lukas always looked so casual and confident, and I always felt like a million wrong puzzle pieces all jammed into one ill-fitting box. He had a fresh bottle of wine in one hand and glasses in the other.
