“Can I come in?”
I step aside. “Sure,” I say in a hollow voice.
She sits on the edge of my bed. “Seamus told me about what Declan said.”
“Did he send you to make sure I actually leave?”
“No.” Her mouth quirks. “He’s too busy getting drunk with his brothers and pretending he didn’t just make the biggest mistake of his life.”
Something in my chest loosens. Just a little.
“He says it’s for my own good.”
“They always do.” Ava studies me. “When Seamus and I first got together, he tried to push me away too. Said I deserved better and that his life was too dangerous.”
“What did you do?”
“I told him to go fuck himself.” She smiles. “Then I made him chase me until he admitted he couldn’t live without me.”
I wipe my eyes. “Is that what you’re telling me to do?”
“I’m telling you that Murphy men are stubborn idiots who think pushing people away is the same as protecting them.” She leans back on her hands. “Declan loves you. It’s obvious toeveryone with eyes. But he’s scared, probably for the first time in his life. And he’s handling it badly.”
“So I should just... wait? Hope he figures it out?”
“No.” Her hair bounces over her shoulders as she shakes her head. “You should leave. Make him feel what it’s like to lose you. And then you wait.”
“For what?”
“For him to get his head out of his ass and come after you.” She stands and shrugs. “If he doesn’t, then you dodged a bullet. But he will. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Marlowe. That man would burn down the world for you.”
“He literally just told me to leave.”
“And he’ll regret it by morning.” Ava heads for the door. “Don’t make it easy for him. Make him work for it.”
She pauses at the threshold.
“But don’t wait forever. You deserve better than someone who can’t figure out what they have.”
Then she leaves, and I’m alone again with the devastation he caused when he told me to go.
And at some point, I realize Ava is right, hard as it was to acknowledge.
I do deserve better, dammit. And I still have my dignity.
Which is why I’m not waiting another second to move forward with my life.
I’m doing things on my terms from now on.
Fuck him for not caring enough to stand up to his fears.
I pack in the dark, but it doesn’t take long. Most of my things are still in boxes since I never fully unpacked. Truth be told, I don’t think I ever let myself believe this could be permanent.
The animals watch me. Lola’s too drugged on pain meds to care much, but Monarch whines softly. Fionawon’t look at me. Pepper mutters something about “mangy mamas” and “fucking eejits.”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “That about sums it up.”
When I get everything downstairs, voices float into the hallway. The brothers drinking, just like Ava said. Someone laughs…Seamus, maybe…and the sound makes tears spring to me eyes.
