Her eyes searched his face. “You lied to me—be it by omission. I wish you could have trusted me!”
“I was going to tell you when we got back to London,” he said, squeezing her hands. “I didn’t want to ruin our time in Dorset. I was a coward.”
“I did wonder if that was the case.” A single tear traced down her cheek. “I wouldn’t have judged you, Lucien. Surely you know that?”
“Deep down, I did,” he admitted. “But I was so afraid of losing you. Of seeing disgust or disappointment in your eyes when you learned how thoroughly I’d been deceived. How I fathered a child with a woman who wasn’t even truly my wife.”
“Tell me now,” she urged gently. “I want to hear it from you.”
Lucien rose, unable to remain still. He paced the length of her bedroom, gathering his thoughts. “After I was injured in the rebellion, I woke with no memory of who I was. Ava told me I’d been injured in the crossfire. She hid the fact that I was an officer in the British army. She nursed me back to health, telling me we were husband and wife.”
“But how did she explain the brothel?” Courtney asked, her voice soft with understanding rather than judgment.
“She told me that I had been the head groom looking after the stables and she worked in the kitchen. I had no reason to doubt her. It was the only work we could get. She created an entire fiction—that we were John and Ava Collins. When I recovered enough strength, she told me her father had died andhad left us a small farm. So, she moved us to Malahide, to a small cottage far from anyone who might know differently.”
He paused, looking out the window at the London night. “I believed her completely. Why wouldn’t I? I had no memories to contradict her story. And she was kind to me, caring—loving. And she was very beautiful. I came to love her.”
“It must have hurt when you discovered her lies.”
He sighed and turned to face her. “It destroyed me, and I’m thankful she was dead when I learned the truth. I don’t know what I would have done if she’d been still alive. I’ve found it hard to trust anyone ever since I learned how badly she deceived me.”
“And Ava-Marie?” Courtney asked softly.
A smile touched his lips, despite the pain of the memories. “I was overjoyed when Ava told me she was with child. I’ll never regret having her.”
“She is a lovely little girl.” Courtney hesitated. “And there is no doubting she’s your daughter.”
“Yes,” Lucien said with absolute certainty. “She has my eyes, my stubborn chin. Ava may have lied about many things, but she never betrayed me that way. Ava-Marie is my flesh and blood.”
Relief washed over Courtney’s face. “I’m glad. I’ve grown to love her because she is a part of you.”
The simple statement nearly undid him. He returned to kneel before her again, taking her hands. “It wasn’t until Rockwell arrived and we decided to check the parish records that I realized her entire story had been fabrication. Even Caitria believed us married.”
“That must have been devastating,” Courtney whispered.
“It was,” he admitted. “To discover that the life I’d built was founded on lies…that the mother of my child, a woman I’d loved had deceived me so thoroughly…” He shook his head. “She stole five years of my life where I could have been here, preventing my father’s descent into a dark hole.”
His voice broke slightly. “I never imagined this secret would put you in danger.”
“Is that why you didn’t tell me? You thought I couldn’t handle the truth?”
“No,” he said firmly. “I was afraid—terrified—that you would think less of me. That the man you were coming to care for again would be revealed as a fool who couldn’t even recognize when he was being manipulated.” He lowered his head. “I was ashamed.”
“And why was that important?”
Courtney was implying he needed her for her money. “How can you lov—marry a man you don’t respect?”
Courtney’s hand came to rest on his cheek, gently lifting his face to meet her gaze. “Lucien, you were injured. You had no memory. How could anyone blame you for believing what you were told? For trusting the woman who cared for you. I love that about you. How you saw the good in people.”
“Now I distrust everyone. Ava took that from me.” The understanding in her eyes was almost too much to bear. “I should have told you before we became engaged. I almost did, that night in the library. But then you accepted my proposal, and you looked so happy… I couldn’t bear to ruin that moment.”
“And when we got back to London?”
“I was going to tell you this morning. I swear it.” He released a shaky breath. “But now Lockwood has threatened everything. You, Ava-Marie, my sisters’ futures… I don’t know how to stop him. Maybe I should take the wind out of his sails and simply announce that I’ve now found out Ava and I were never married.”
A flash of anger crossed Courtney’s face. “No. We will find a way out of this mess. We have powerful friends. This is not your fault. It’s Lockwood’s. He’s the one using this information to blackmail us.”
“And you were planning to sacrifice yourself,” Lucien said, his voice rough with emotion. “To marry that snake to protect my family. To protect Ava-Marie.”
