My ears strain for a sound that indicates he’s returned, any sound. But as the shadows lengthen outside my window, as the dusky sky turns black, my stomach sinks as the realization forces itself on me that he’s not coming back.
The intrusive thoughts return then, slowly at first, creeping back like the shadows outside my window, before engulfing me entirely.
It’s been a very long time since I’ve had those thoughts. So long I’d nearly forgotten them, and I’m no longer prepared to deal with them. They stifle me.
He’s probably handcuffed me like this for fun, touched me because he felt like it, then kept me bound because of some sadistic impulse to prove to me just how little he regards me.
The comfort I’ve allowed myself to sink into these past few weeks, the belief I’ve let myself cling to, dissolves, replaced by stabbing pain.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
How could I possibly have believed he had any feelings for me whatsoever? I’m his captive. He comes to me when he’s bored. He probably lied when he said he wouldn’t have kidnapped me if it had been up to him. He sees me as an object, a fucktoy, to beplayed with when he feels like it, discarded when I become too cumbersome.
Mama told me that’s how I was conceived. Some asshole at her high school who took what he wanted. I wonder if she derived any pleasure from it, if she allowed herself to believe, as I did, that the asshole cared.
Or if she saw right through him from the beginning.
I know firsthand she let herself believe in the Monster. I remember how frustrated I felt, how stupid I thought she was for not seeing what was so obvious. And now, I’ve become just as stupid as her.
I choke down a sob and try to wrangle my wrists and ankles out of their restraints. But it’s pointless. Plus, there’s still a part of me that hesitates, wondering if, after all, he does plan on coming back, if all of this is just a test, if he’s turned on by the idea of me waiting for him.
After all, I know he likes to hurt me. Even more odd, I like being hurt by him too. As long as I can believe, under it all, that he cares.
I don’t know what to think anymore.
The tears fall, hot and heavy, as the room is plunged into absolute darkness.
Finally, exhausted by crying, and still utterly helpless, I fall asleep.
-
I’m startled awake some time later by the lights in my roomturning on. My first thought is that it’s morning, but one glance out the window tells me it’s still pitch dark.
That means someone turned on the light.
I gasp and bury my face for a second in the sheets, trying to wipe away the evidence of my tears, then turn around, hoping to see Damien.
But of course, it’s Logan, because God wants to see me suffer. If he even exists.
It takes me a moment to remember the position I’m in. Wrists tied to the headboard, ankles tied to the base of the bed. My bottom lifted up by a pile of pillows. Stark-naked.
My face burns red, and I forget to be scared of him. I’m sure he has some new form of torture in mind for me, but right now, I’m so humiliated I can’t think of anything else.
A slight smirk plays around the edge of his lips, but it doesn’t travel to his eyes, which, after a single, sober glance at me, look away.
He crosses the room quickly, still averting his gaze, throws the bag he’s carrying onto the bed next to me, takes out a small key, and unshackles my wrists and ankles.
The moment I’m free, I scramble to the other side of the bed, hiding myself under the sheets. It takes me longer than I’d like, though, because my limbs are asleep from being in this position for so long.
I keep my eyes down, unable to keep myself from shaking as he takes a step toward me, chortling.
“Good old Damien,” he murmurs. “I see he hasn’t changed.”
The redness that had flared on my cheeks dies down, my chest constricting at the significance of those words.
I really am just one of a long line of conquests. The thoughthurts. To mean nothing to the person who means everything to me is unbearable.
“You can relax,” he says, as he sits on the other side of the bed. “I won’t fuck with you anymore. I believe you’re innocent.”
