“You got it, boss.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Get going!”
He flushes a deep red and nods uncomfortably. Then he mumbles, “Uhm… but don’t you want to get changed first?”
Not even my glowering stare can stop Logan from laughing.
19
Seraphina
Twelve hours. That’s all I have to wait. But it seems so long.
I pace around the room, my hands clenched in frustration. He’s never promised me two visits in one day. That thought should be enough to quench my inexplicable need. But it seems the more I see him, the more I want him. And ever since I fell asleep in his arms twice, my raw hunger has become tinged with something deeper. A yearning desire to know he cares about me in the same way that I realize I’ve come to care about him. Dark intrusive thoughts battle it out with desperate hope. And through it all, a constant thread of incomprehension.What the fuck is wrong with you, Seraphina Connor? He’s your captor!
But captivity has become an abstract concept. Or rather, my messed-up mind doesn’t equate it with him. Only with time, and loneliness.
The hours have never passed so slowly. I wonder if he’s planning to eat here, or if I’ll be allowed to leave this apartment. Maybe we can have dinner at his place. Maybe—my heart thrills at the forbidden thought—maybe we can go out to a restaurant.
I’ve never eaten at a restaurant. Not even at a fast-food place. Fifty-cent ramen packets are cheaper than even the cheapest burger and fries.
The trays the quiet woman brings me are always filled with tempting food, far more delicious than anything I’ve ever had before. But I don’t have much of an appetite. The idea of eating at a restaurant entices me because of the experience, not the food.
I think back to when I lived with the Monster. He spent his time watching TV, and I sometimes caught glimpses of the shows. The restaurant scenes always intrigued me. All those tables draped in white. The shiny plates, knives and forks. The uniformed serverswho’d come to take your order.
I can’t imagine someone waiting on me.
Well, I guess the quiet woman does, but it doesn’t really feel like it when she refuses to even meet my eye. Leaving the tray on the table wordlessly, then leaving. Coming back about thirty minutes later to take it away again.
The trays might as well appear by magic. That’s how invisible she is.
Invisible. Like me.
I’d never thought of her much before, but now my mind latches onto her. I’m curious. I realize I don’t even know her name. I wonder how she came to work here. What her story is.
I also feel a pang of guilt as I realize how little I thought of her before. And yet, I was once in her exact place. Torn between the desire to remain invisible and the need to be seen.
-
Five o’clock. Somehow, I’ve managed to while away the day, but these last few hours feel longer than ever. I sigh and plop down on the couch, then remember Damien disapproves of TV. He wants me to read. Gritting my teeth, mostly at myself for caring so much about what he thinks of me, I walk over to the bookcases. I read the title of one book after another, trying to find one that Damien would approve of, but that isn’t too long. I’ve never read an entire book. I told Damien I’d readPeter Pan, but it was a storybook. Pictures, and just one sentence on each page. I have a feeling the realPeter Panis a lot longer.
At last, I choose the shortest book I can find.We Have Always Lived in the Castle. I flip through the pages, struggling, at first, to keep my attention on the words, but soon, I’m deeply immersed. Something about Merricat reminds me of myself. The fear around crowds, the silence… the blood on her hands.
I don’t know how it happens. One moment I’m reading, the next, my eyes are shut, my body rigid with fear.
“What the fuck, bitch?”
He stares at me, confused. Then, as he crashes down, his head tilts up at the ceiling, at the bear. Only now it’s not a bear. It hasn’t been for a long time. It’s just a spot of humidity.
I look down at my hands, and see they’re red.
Blood.
My hands are bloody.
What have I done?
I wake up gasping, my entire body seized with fear. I hadn’t had this particular nightmare in a long time. And now, I’ve had it twice in one week.
