Scrubbing his hand down his face, he sighed heavily. “You do realize you’re angry at me because I said I like you, right? Do you understand how ass-backward that is?”
“I made myself very clear that I wasn’t looking for something more at the beginning of this, Kasey,” she snapped, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a long heartbeat before opening them. “I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want anyone to have that much of me again, I explained that. This is just scratching that itch. Nothing more.”
“So just hate sex, then?” he asked darkly, taking a step toward her, until she had to tilt her head back to continue to glare at him. “So, you’re just in this for all the orgasms, is that right?”
“I thought I’ve been very transparent on that front,” she said stiffly, her voice breaking slightly. Damn stubborn woman. He couldn’t even be offended by her words, because they were nothing but lies, and he knew it. Knew it by the stubborn tick in her jaw, the tight way her lips pulled together, the nervous swallow that flexed her throat.
Leaning forward to place his hands on the edge of the counter on either side of her hips, he towered over her, bringinghis face close to hers. The fabric of his shirt fluttered over the base of her throat where it lay against her skin, testament to the erratic beat of her heart. “You’re a fucking liar, Shaun. And I’m getting real tired of it.”
She continued to glare up at him, and he could see the war raging in those sapphire eyes of hers.Shedidn’t even believe the words coming out of her mouth.
Lowering his head, he swept his mouth over the corner of hers in the briefest of caresses. Breathing against the soft skin of her cheek, he whispered, “God dammit, you are the most stubborn, pain-in-the-ass woman I have ever fucking met. I have to leave for training in two days, Shaun, or I can pack my bags right now and be out the door. Your choice.”
Pulling his hands away from the counter where he’d been leaning, he took a step back, her will still battling against his. She remained silent, and finally he nodded. He’d call her bluff.
“Okay. You win this one, darlin’. I’ll see myself out,” he said quietly, and watched as her chin tilted up higher in defiance. Fucking woman.
It didn’t take long to pack his bag, and when he returned to the kitchen, she was still exactly where she had been. Her arms crossed tight over her chest, one bare foot pressed against the top of the other. Her body was stiff where she stood, and the pain that lanced through him was piercing. Damn woman had wiggled her way into his heart, which currently felt like it was splintering into pieces inside his chest.
Stepping in front of her, he took her face between both of his hands, forcing her to tilt her head up to look at him. Tears shimmered in her eyes, making them glisten, and his heart broke a little more.
“You know that this is real, Shaun. You fucking know it, and you’re going to let me walk away from you because of your damned stubborn pride, because you’re too chicken shit to letyourself be vulnerable again.I’m not Tommy,Shaun.” One of those tears slid down her cheek and it gutted him. “I wantyou. All of you; unabashedly, no filter, no watered-down bullshit. God dammit, darlin’, you knew it, just like I did, that very first night.I am yours, and you are mine. I’ll be back when you’re ready to admit it to me, and to yourself.”
He kissed her then, voraciously, hungrily, imprinting himself so deeply into her heart and soul she wouldn’t have a choice but to admit she felt the same way he did. Because God dammit, he knew she did. He knew it in every fiber of his being; their souls were meant for each other.
He just needed her to see it.
He felt her hands at his sides, her fingers gripped the fabric of his jacket as she kissed him back. Tears slid over his thumbs where they cupped her cheeks, twisting his stomach into knots with the knowledge that she was hurting as much as he was. But she was too stubborn to admit he was right.
He released her then, and without a look back, strode out the door and into the night before she could see the way his own heart was breaking.
THIRTY-EIGHT
Shaun stared at the door after he closed it behind him for a long time.
She almost expected him to come back.
But he didn’t.
The car he’d been renting from the airport had disappeared out of her driveway, the taillights fading as he drove away.
His half empty beer still sat on the end table next to the couch, the football game they’d turned on still playing on the TV in the background.
Her apartment suddenly felt too large and much too empty without him there taking up her space, driving her up the wall with his smart mouth and sarcastic wit.
Finally able to force herself to move, she walked down the hall to the bedroom, immediately hating how empty it was without his clothes hanging off the back of the chair, his cologne and deodorant no longer sitting on the top of her dresser next to her perfume. His side of the bed was still rumpled from where he’d slept next to her the night before.
She was unable to stem the flow of tears as they slid down her cheeks. Swiping at them angrily, she returned to the living room, picking up the half empty beer bottle and his empty chili bowl, taking them to the sink. Dumping the beer down the drain with angry, jerky movements, she slammed it down on the counter once it was empty.
Damn you, Kasey Corcoran!her mind screamed.Why couldn’t you have just left me alone? I wasfine, before you came along!
Steve jumped up onto the counter, sitting on the corner and meowed pitifully at her, as if blaming her for Kasey’s absence.
“It’s better this way, Steve. We would never have worked, and this was just for fun anyway,” she snapped at the cat, who was eyeing her with judgmental green eyes.
If this was just supposed to be for fun, then why does it hurt so much?
She had no good answer for the question, choosing to ignore it instead of digging into it any further. Self-reflection wasn’t one of her strong suits.
