“I held him in my hands, Da. As soon as I touched him, I knew he was dead. Women die in childbirth, from the fever. What if…” He couldn’t even say it. The thought of Gracie dying made him ill.
They continued to move and spar, but Jamie said naught. He told himself that the water around his eyes was only sweat, but part of him knew better. He’d never forget that night. Never forget seeing someone alive one moment and dead the next.
His sire’s voice came again. “You need to knock that wall down, lad. If you do not, I’ll do what I can to knock it down for you. You need Gracie in your life and you know it. You’re afraid you’re losing her. ‘Tis why you are fighting everything and everyone around you.”
Jamie spun in a circle and attempted to knock the sword out of his sire’s hands, but his father did something new, twisting his sword in such a way that Jamie lost his grip. The weapon flew out of his hands, and his sire flipped him onto his back, putting his foot on his chest.
He stared up at Alex, shocked that his sire had beaten him so easily.
“Now, son, you’re going to listen to me and I do not wish to hear a word from you.” His voice fell to a whisper, low enough so no one else could hear them. “You lost to me because your emotions are ripping you apart, both your mind and your heart. You couldn’t handle losing Mac, and you are about to lose another person you love, Gracie, and you cannot handle that either. I came out here to knock some sense into you, hopefully, and help you realize that your heart belongs to that wee lassie you loved many moons ago. Her smile might melt a thousand men’s hearts, but her heart belongs to you. Now you have to be smart enough to accept that truth and offer for her. If you do not, you will lose her, and she’ll be gone forever. You cannot spendyour whole life being afraid to love. You must trust your own heart.
“Now, I have a letter that was written a long while ago, and it belongs to you. I set it in Mac’s cupboard. When you’ve finished reading it, come see me at the door to the stables. We’ll see if we cannot come up with a plan to end this foolishness.”
His sire picked up his sword and strode into the stables, leaving him flat on his back. He stared at the sky for a long time, not moving, thinking about all his sire had said.
Was he right? Did Gracie truly love him? Jamie had to admit to having strong feelings for her, stronger every day, but he’d done his best to bury them. Fear had stopped him, fear of losing her, fear of her not reciprocating his feelings, fear of not being good enough, fear of too many things.
After he mulled it over for a while, he stood up and walked back toward the stables. Jake stood a good distance away, but Jamie waved him away. This was something he needed to do alone. He sheathed his sword and moved into Mac’s stall. There in the cupboard sat a folded piece of parchment.
His hand shook at the sudden surety that this was a note from his beloved Mac. He opened it and began to read:
Jamie,
I had your mother pen this letter before I got to be too old to think clearly. I miss you, wee bean.
Jamie smiled at the term. He had no doubt that Mac had dictated this note to him. He had not called him wee bean in front of many.
I know you’ll be upset when I go. You’re young and well, so you do not understand death. But I will go willingly when my time comes so I can be with my Alice again.
I know you’ve told me about all the things you wish to do in your lifetime, but I wish to tell you something different. ‘Tis not what’s out there that is the most important, but what’s at home. I know you dream of traveling and exploring, of being a hero like your da, all the things young lads wish to do.
Mayhap it sounds simple, but my advice is to find your lass. Naught will make you happier than the love of a sweet lass. You are too young to believe me now, but one day I hope you will believe me. I know she’s out there for you, but your heart will tell you when it’s time. I fought loving my Alice, my sweet flower, but marrying her was the best thing I’ve ever done. Our life together made me happiest of all.
Find your flower. Follow your heart and do not fight your feelings as I did. I almost missed the greatest gift in my life.
Be a good lad now. Someday we’ll meet again.
Mac
Jamie folded the parchment and tucked it into his sporran.
He needed to find his flower, Gracie.
His father stood with his arms crossed, right where he’d said he would be. None of the stable lads had returned yet, probably at his sire’s request.
“Did you read the note, Papa?”
“I did.”
“What do you think?”
“It does not matter what I think. What do you think?”
“I think he has a good point.” Jamie stared at the ground in front of him, unsure of what to say to his sire.
His sire, not one to overuse words, said, “I agree.”
“Do you think Gracie is my flower?”
