“I know, I couldn’t believe it. It felt like I was experiencing one of those nightmare dates people write about on Reddit and you always wonder if it’s fake. But this wasnotfake, my friend. This was so very real.”
I’ve just finished telling the tale of my date with Gabe, all the way until up to the moment when he ditched me. I pick at the lemon blueberry muffin Grace brought, but can’t bring myself to eat any of it. Between my hangover and whatever just happened with Dan, my stomach’s not ready for it.
Grace, meanwhile, has peeled off nearly the entire streusel-covered top off her muffin, leaving her with only the stump. “So how did you get home?” she asks.
Now I reach for a chunk of muffin and shove it in my mouth. “Dan picked me up,” I say around a mouthful of fluffy, sugary goodness.
Grace goes very still. “Dan? Like, my brother Dan?”
I nod, swallowing the muffin and willing it to stay in my stomach.
“How?”
“He gave me his number,” I say, and when Grace furrows her brow, I add, “Since he’s living here. We might need to get in contact. For roommate reasons.”
My best friend’s eyes—a brighter blue than her brother’s—narrow like she’s trying to solve a puzzle. Grace loves all her brothers fiercely, but she’s always been a little suspicious of Dan, who rebelled against the tight-knit McBride clan simply by keeping his mouth shut. Until a little more than a year ago, he barely ever came home for holidays, always begging off for work. And when he did come home, he never had much to share. While the rest of the McBrides talked and teased, their lives open to one another because they shared a tiny town, Dan treated his life like a state secret.
When he showed back up this time, he’d mysteriously lost his job and his apartment, and he kept making runs back to the city to meet with a lawyer. Even when men in suits and badges tracked him down at a family gathering, he stubbornly continued to reveal nothing.
It’s why the conversation we had at this kitchen table is so shocking. I’ve never known Dan McBride to say that much.
“Did he say anything?” Grace asks.
I try playing dumb. “Like what?”
Grace shrugs, but I’ve known her for twenty-five years. I can tell when she’s digging.
“I don’t know…anything?”
“You mean on the twenty-minute drive, during which I was drunk as a skunk, did he happen to explain why agents from the Securities and Exchange Commission showed up to Eden’s first birthday party and led him away for questioning? Why he’s back in Cardinal Springs for an extended stay, what happened to his job and his apartment in New York, and why the hell he’s under federal investigation?”
Grace flushes. “Well, yeah.”
“No, he didn’t.” And suddenly I realize that even if he had told me all that, I’m not sure if I’d tell her about it. Which isstrange, since I’ve told Grace everything for the entirety of our lives. But Dan talking to me feels like an unspoken level of trust, and I get the sense that he doesn’t have a whole lot of people in his life whom he trusts.
“Okay, well, how are things going with him living here?”
“Fine!” The word comes out a little too loud and enthusiastic, and I blush, reaching for another chunk of muffin.
Grace’s eyes narrow again. She’s back on the trail.
“You’re not crushing on my brother, are you?”
I suck in a breath, a fluffy crumb shooting down my throat. I cough, my eyes bulging. “Are you serious?” I croak.
“I know you, Carson. You get this sort of starry-eyed look when you have a crush.”
She’s not wrong, but still, I resent the implication.
“I’m not!” I say, still half wheezing to get the muffin out of my lungs. God, these McBrides are trying to kill me, I swear. I take a deep breath. “And anyway, what does it matter? A crush is a totally victimless crime.”
She sighs, giving me this look like I’m a puppy begging for a treat. “I just don’t want you to waste your time.”
The barb hits me, and I wince. I think of Dan, with his carved muscles and piercing blue eyes, radiating intensity at all times. And then I think of myself, with a closet full of craft supplies and four different methods for getting objects out of small children’s noses. I own tutus in every color of the rainbow for when I teach kindergarteners about the color wheel. At least once a week, I find myself singing “Baby Beluga” to myself, and I’m usually not mad about it.
I hear Grace, and my rational brain knows what she means. That Dan is a guarded mystery, that he’s just passing through, that nothing can happen between us, not because of me but because ofhim. But I still can’t help but hear the voice that says,The two of you don’t match.
Grace reaches across the table for my hands. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you’re in this incredible placeright now.” I know she’s talking to that pesky voice, the one she knows talks shit to me sometimes. Nobody knows me better than Grace, and nobody is better at hyping me up. I love her for that. “After all those years of your parents hovering over your shoulder, telling you what to do and who to be, you finally get to live the lifeyouwant. The whole world is one big possibility for you, Carson. And Dan is just in a really different place. I don’t even know what that placeisbecause he won’t talk to anyone.”
