“Holy shit… How old were you?”
“Eight. He went to prison and died there. I went into foster care.”
My heart ached, and I couldn’t think of anything to say, except that I hated that Ronan was carrying that kind of pain. I wished I could erase it or carry it for him. I had enough baggage. One more shit-tastic memory wouldn’t kill me.
“I was pretty messed up,” Ronan said, his eyes on the dying fire. “I had to repeat fourth grade and did ten years in foster care. Eventually, social services tracked down my dad’s brother. That’s how I ended up here.”
“I’m so sorry about your mother, Ronan.”
He nodded, and a silence fell that should’ve been awkward or uncomfortable, but instead I felt our friendship cement into something more solid with every passing minute. The sun began to sink, the sky bruised yet beautiful. Peaceful.
“Well, aren’t we a jolly pair,” I said after a while. “Tell me something good that happened to you today, Wentz. Anything. Before I throw myself into the ocean.”
He rubbed his stubbled chin, thinking. “I didn’t get suspended.”
“Hey, there you go! A two-day streak.” I offered up a high five and got a resounding smack on the palm. I hissed a breath and shook my stinging hand. “Easy, tiger.”
Ronan almost smiled. “Your turn. Something good.”
“Hmm, don’t know that it’sgoodso much asdoomed and hopelessbut…” I heaved a sigh. “There’s a guy.”
“Okay.”
“I can’t say who, so don’t ask.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“Of course you weren’t,” I said. “That’s one of your most endearing characteristics. Anyway, there’s a guy, and I don’twantthere to be a guy. Not one that I might…”
“Want to fuck?”
“That’s a given.”
“Care about?”
“Exactly. And I can’t care about anyone. Bad for me, worse for them.” I stared into the flames that clung to ashen wood while the breeze tried to blow them out. “It’s stupid. And too soon. I didn’t come here to immediately have my every waking thought hijacked by someone I’ve only known for a few days.”
Ronan’s eyes widened.
“No, it’s not Miller,” I said, laughing. “And I hate to break your heart, but it’s not you either.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that the guy in question is not my type, to put it mildly. An all-American good boy. Warm, gooey, everyone loves him. He’s the human equivalent of a grilled cheese sandwich.”
“So?”
“So? It doesn’t make sense. Yet I can’t stop thinking about him and feeling guilty, because…I may have said some things I shouldn’t have.”
Ronan took a pull of beer. “I’m shocked.”
“Oh, shut up. But yes, I stirred up some shit for him that I had no business stirring. I even gave him my number in the event he wants to talk. Tome. As if I could actuallyhelpsomehow.” I shook my head with a dry laugh. “It’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“I’m not one hundred percent positive that he and I are on the same page, if you catch my drift. I need to leave it alone. Leavehimalone.”
Ronan rolled his eyes and chucked a rock into the fire.
