“Because he thinks he’s no good for me.” I looked over at her. “Can I trust you with something personal?”
She nodded quickly. “Yeah, sure.”
“When he was fifteen, Holden’s parents sent him to conversion therapy.”
My sister’s eyes widened in fury. “To try to make him not be gay? Assholes!”
“They taught him that he wasn’t worth anything the way he was, and it stuck. As much as I…care about him, I can’t magically fix him. It’s not possible. But I can let him know I’m still here.”
“A year’s a long time, River,” Amelia said gently. “How long will you wait?”
“However long it takes.”
“You really love him, huh?”
I nodded. “But I love you too. And I can’t go to France and spend the entire time scared something’s happening over here. I need to be able to trust you.”
“You can trust me, River. Even though it looks like I’m caught up in my own shit and get pissed at you sometimes—”
“A lot. You get pissed at me a lot.”
“Shut up. I’m trying to apologize. I see how hard you work for us. And how sad you are, though you don’t show it. I see it.”
“Thanks, Amelia,” I said, relief and the electric nervousness humming through me that in less than twenty-four hours, I might be with Holden.
“When will you leave?” she asked.
“As soon as possible. Right now, actually,” I said, getting off the bed.
Amelia walked me to her door. “Do you think you’ll be gone a long time?”
“I’ll come back as fast as I can.” My stomach clenched at her dubious expression. “Unless… Maybe I shouldn’t go.”
“No, no. You should. I know you need this. We’ll be fine, I swear.”
I felt torn in half. “You sure?”
She rolled her eyes. “Ugh,go.Holden’s probably waiting for you in his hotel room, lying naked on a bearskin rug with a rose in his teeth.”
I coughed a laugh. “Ummm…”
“What? You need to get laid. Straight facts. Well, maybe notstraight.”
“I’m not going there to get laid, and how about we not talk about that anymore?”
She laughed, a spark in her eyes I hadn’t seen in a while. “Whatever you say.” She slugged me in the shoulder. “Go get ’em, champ.”
“Dork.”
“Nerd.”
I grinned, feeling lighter than I had in a long time. An unfamiliar feeling flooded me. Hope.
***
After settling things with Julio to make sure the shop would be okay without me, I boarded a plane for Paris the next afternoon.
Dad had been dubious. “You’re flying toFrance?” he’d asked from his chair in the den that morning. “For…him?”
