“I broke up with Tucker,” I blurted.
Xander’s eyes flared. “You did? When?”
“Just now. My dad will kill me, and I’m terrified and happy and maybe going a little bit crazy all at the same time.”
Xander stared at me, a hundred thoughts behind his eyes.
Tell me I did the right thing. Tell me that you’re happy too…
“Em, you have to be careful. Your father—”
“Isn’t here right now,” I said. “Please, Xander. Let’s have this dance.”
Looking torn, he gave me a single nod, and that was enough. I rested my cheek on Xander’s chest with my head tucked under his chin. I fit perfectly there. He pulled our joined hands in, laid our clasped fingers over his heart. His arm tightened around me, and our bodies pressed together, touching in a hundred places.
And I wanted to stay there, always.
“Emery.” Xander’s voice was soft, his mouth by my ear. “Why are you crying?”
I shook my head against his chest, my shoulders shaking. “Because this feels so perfect. Like how it’s supposed to be, and we’ve been pretending we’re just friends.”
“I know,” he said quietly.
“You haven’t called or texted or said hello at school…”
“Because I…I thought it would be best to give you some space,” he said. “And…Emery, weshouldstay friends. Because I—”
“You want to stay neutral,” I said. “You don’t believe in love.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“You’re right, it’s not. Love is messy and complicated and doesn’t always work out in some neat equation.”
Xander turned me slowly, held me tighter. I could feel his heart thump against my cheek, fast and hard. “Why are you saying all this?”
“I don’t know what I’m saying,” I said. “I don’t know how I’msupposedto feel, but I know how Idofeel, and it’s all bursting out of me. Since you came back, everything changed. I feel like I’ve been waiting for you all this time…”
“Emery, don’t,” he said in a low warning tone. “Please, don’t.”
I lifted my head from the warm dark of Xander’s embrace to the glaring light of the dance floor and the hundreds of pairs of eyes on us—then to his stricken expression as he shook his head at me.
He doesn’t want this…
With a muffled cry, I slipped out of his arms and ran off the dance floor, pushing wildly through the crowd. I sprinted through the festival, turning corners around booths and food trucks until I found a quiet place behind a small wagon filled with hay. I sagged against it and caught my breath.
Moments later, Xander turned the corner.
“You should go,” I said. “If Tucker finds you here, he’ll kill you.”
“I don’t care. We need to have this out.” He tossed his hat aside and ran his hand over his eyes. “Look, I’m sorry, but we can’t do this.”
“We can’t do what?” I said, crossing my arms, shaking, holding myself together. “I need to hear you say it.”
“You know what,” he said, his voice low and quavering. “There is only one way this ends. Me at MIT, and you in California. Because I am going to help make that happen for you, Emery, if it’s the last fucking thing I do.”
“I thought…the other day, in my room…”
“That was a mistake,” Xander said, even if his eyes were telling me—screaming at me—that it wasn’t.
