I met his eyes. “I used to think that way too until…”
“Until what?”
You came back.
My face flushed at the sudden, wild thought, and I had to look away. “Well…my brother, for instance. Grant is gone, but my love for him is infinite. It’s never going to go away, even if he did.” I brightened and nudged his arm again, steering us into safer territory. “And anyway, isn’t it the not-knowing that makes it risky? And thrilling?”
He gave me a hesitant grin. “Are we talking about love or science?”
“Both.”
“In science, there is no greater thrill than a breakthrough. But love has only ever hurt.”
A heavy silence fell, where I itched to comfort him the way he comforted me. To send a wave of safety to him so he wouldn’t feel so alone either.
“Wow,” I said. “We always seem to get into stuff deep, don’t we?”
“Yeah, we do.”
“I’m just trying to keep your supersharp mind from being so bored. Is it working?”
“Yes, you’re very good at being interesting.”
I grinned. “I’minteresting?”
He looked shy. “To say the least. Anyway, I signed up for this, so I shouldn’t complain. Plus, MIT is sending me course materials, and I’m doing Feynman equations in my spare time.”
“I’m not even going to ask what those are. And hey, you’re doing calculus with me.”
“That helps too.”
I suspected he was just saying that to make me feel better, but I took it. “Just doing my part to keep thingsinteresting,” I said with a smile. “But I hope being here isn’t a total bust.”
He smiled back. “It’s been…adequate.”
“What would it take to make it more than adequate?”
Xander’s gaze lingered on me a moment more, then settled on the ocean. “Ask me again another time.”
I frowned at his strange answer and huddled deeper into my sweatshirt as a sudden shiver ran through me, pleasant and tingly. The autumn wind bit at my skin but felt nice against my flushed cheeks.
For a while, neither of us spoke. The silence didn’t need filling. We just sat together, watching the black waves, their white crests glowing under the silver moon. It was perfect, and like that one day seven years ago, I felt safe with him. I’d felt like I could tell him anything and his touch could keep me from harm. Now, though, Xander was nearly a man.
The moonlight etched his face in silver and shadow, showing off his features—his defined jaw, pointed nose, and full lips. His eyes, though, with their blue and brown, framed by stylish square glasses, were the most beautiful part of his face. His thick brown hair fell over his left eye, as if to hide the ways he stood out, just like he hid his genius: You’d notice eventually, but he’d never draw attention to it.
I’ll bet he’s smarter than I can imagine.
The thought sent a tingle through me, and I actually had to press my thighs together. I shifted, our hands brushed, and the sensation intensified. This was exactly how we’d been sitting together when we were ten…and exactly not.
Something more…
The warm, safe energy was still there but tinged with heat too. Electricity. Xander probably knew a name for how thick and buzzy the air suddenly felt, but I didn’t dare ask him.
I broke his heart, even if I didn’t mean to. And he’s too smart for me, anyway. I’d eventually bore him too. I belong with someone like Tucker. The Prom King and the Queen Bee. Ken and Barbie.
The thought made me sad down to my bones and killed the buzz instantly. Tucker was who my dad wanted for me. He would never let me have someone like Xander. A Bend kid—even a genius headed toMIT—wasn’t going to cut it. No connections, no wealth. Nothing to bring to the table.
Because while I saw all the ways Xander was rich in things that had nothing to do with money, my dad would only see that he wasn’t enough.
