“What do you mean?”
Xander looked at me cautiously, as if unsure how much to share. Or if he could trust me.
I smiled. “What happens in the study lounge stays in the study lounge.”
He smiled back but it faded fast. “I told you my dad had a breakdown and needed some time off. But they think it might be something worse. Something progressive. He might be losing…everything. And it fucking kills me because he’s a brilliant scientist, yet he’s only going to be remembered for how it all slipped away. It’s up to me to sustain his legacy. I’ll go to MIT like he did and carry on the Ford name so that all he accomplished wasn’t in vain.”
I nodded and let his words settle because it seemed like he’d neededto get them out. After a moment, I said, “It’s very honorable, Xander, to take care of him like you do. I hope you know that.”
He looked at me with something like surprise and gratitude because I suspected hedidn’tknow that.
I told a genius something he didn’t know.
The moment held, thick and warm, and then Xander gave his head a shake.
“But they might all be wrong about my dad. He’s still working on a unified theory, and he says he’s close. It seems impossible, but if he solved it, it would change physics forever.”
“Why?”
“It would fill in the massive gaps in our knowledge. Like what is actually happening in a black hole’s singularity. Or—at the quantum level—how the photons that make up light aren’t waves or particles but can exist in a superposition of both states until observed.”
“I can’t help you with any of that, but that last part sounds like Schrödinger and his dead cat in a box. You know, where you don’t know if it’s alive or dead until you take a look?”
Xander made a sour face.
“Am I wrong?”
“You’re absolutely correct, but Erwin Schrödinger was a Nobel Prize–winning physicist who devised one of the most beautiful and perfect equations in all of science, and all anyone associates him with is a dead cat in a box.”
I suppressed a giggle.He’s so cute when he gets his science feelings hurt.“Awfully touchy about it,” I teased.
“I suppose so,” Xander admitted with a small smile. “But likely that’s because I’m named after him.”
“Erwin?”
“Erwin Rudolf Josef Alexander Schrödinger. My father wanted to name me Erwin, but my mother vetoed it. They compromised on Alexander.”
“You dodged a bullet, my friend,” I said. “And sorry to break it toyou, but your namesake is super famous for his ‘dead cat in a box.’”
Xander nodded thoughtfully. “Speaking of, I was going to ask if…” He coughed and cleared his throat. “Never mind.”
“What? Tell me.”
“No, it’s stupid. Anyway, I don’t want to bore you with this stuff.”
“It’s not boring, it’s fascinating. And I love hearing you talk about what you’re passionate about. I like talking to you, period. It feels easy and…real. Like how it did when we were kids.” I glanced away. “I mean…would it be so terrible if we were friends?”
“I don’t know,” Xander said heavily. “Given everything, maybe we should keep it to getting you through calculus.”
“What iseverything?”
“I’ve been told your boyfriend is the jealous type, for one. I don’t want to cause trouble for you, Emery. Or for me. I’m committed to helping you, but after everything that’s happened, I feel like staying neutral is better. Safer, maybe.”
“Neutral,” I said flatly. The word made no sense when it came to him and me, and it hurt more than I wanted to say. “Okay. Sure. Neutral it is.”
Xander nodded, but he didn’t look any happier than I felt.
“Actually, no,” I blurted.We’ve been apart for so long. I don’t want any more distance.“That doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to be neutral, Xander. I’ve been neutral my whole life, letting life happen around me, and I’m tired of it.”
