He didn’t reply but had gone blank again. I rubbed my aching eyes and thought about getting something from the vending machine. I hadn’t eaten all day—
“Physics is a terrible science,” he said suddenly. “Stephen Hawking tried to warn us. He said if we discover a Theory of Everything, we will know the mind of God. But why would we want to do that?”
“I’m not sure I’m following you, Dad,” I said slowly, carefully, not wanting to lose him again. As if his lucidity was a flighty bird I might scare off.
“Xander studies black holes, but here’s something to understand about that,” Dad stated. “No matter what is pulled inside, it can never die. Do you know that?”
“That could be true,” I said. “If what happens in a black hole follows the Law of Conservation of Energy.”
“Hmph. You sound like my son. All science, no magic.”
I gave a start. “What did you say?”
But again, he didn’t seem to hear me. “Energy cannot be destroyed, only changed from one form to another. Nothing is final. Not even death. But what happens then? That’s the mystery. It’s what makes life worth living. If we solved the mystery, what would be the point?”
“We’d know what was coming,” I said gruffly. “We could be prepared…”
“Nothing prepares you. The joy, the hurt…” He went away again, then came back. “I’m very proud of him. He’s a good boy, my Xander. A young man, now. He’s going to be with his love. Beautiful girl, she is, inside and out. But I have to stay here and wait. I’m staying right here until she comes back.”
“Who?”
“My wife.”
“Dad, no—”
“Tell Xander to remember his Goethe,” Dad said, eyes drifting closed, voice heavy with sleep. “‘You will never know another’s heart unless you are prepared to give yours too.’ He needs to put his heart in that girl’s hands and trust her not to drop it. She might, and that’ll hurt—but it’s a beautiful hurt, the best kind. And if she holds it tight and gives hers in return…what’s better than that?”
“I can’t think of anything,” I managed.
“Go to your girl, Xander,” he said.
I whipped my head up; he was speaking right to me.
“Go to her, and love her,” he said with a smile. “And don’t let her go.”
Chapter 38
Emery
I watched with a kind of detached fascination as caterers scuttled around the house, helping Belinda prepare for Senator Harrington and his family. The day was sliding away, getting closer to 7:00 p.m., when Academy students would be filing into the Castle Hill Country Club for senior prom.
Absently, I checked my phone. There were missed calls and texts from Harper and Delilah, but nothing new from Xander. I’d seen his face when I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. The hurt and betrayal. His broken heart. I’d done what I’d set out to do, and that was to drive him away. Use his old wounds as new weapons. It had killed me to do it—another little piece of myself broken off and given to my father—but it was the only way to protect Xander, even if he hated me for it. It was the only way to keep my dad from slamming his heavy mallet of money and influence down on them. If I stayed quiet and did what he wanted…
But I had to hope Xander heard my warning to get his father somewhere safe.
At six o’clock, I showered and changed into a little black dress. My prom dress was still on my bed; I hadn’t put it away. I couldn’t stand the thought of shutting it up in the closet, never to be worn. Not yet.
I did my hair, applied my makeup, and came downstairs, where my father was signing for a flower delivery. He spotted me and his eyes lit up.
“Emery, you look beautiful.”
He kissed my cheek, smiling. Proud. I had the terrible thought that it was safer here when he was happy. Xander was safe. And his dad. Maybe I would be too, if I went back to how it had been these past few years. Things had been simpler then, before Xander. Before I loved him.
But I’ve always loved him…
My mother appeared at the top of the stairs wearing a silk robe, her hair mussed as if she’d just woken up.
“Cassandra, the Harringtons will be here in twenty minutes,” my father said. “Get dressed, for God’s sake.” He turned to me and took my hands in his. “Emery, tonight is very important.”
