“Oh, fuck.”
I pulled over and jumped out. “Dad. Hey, Dad…”
He looked up blearily, confused. “It seems I’ve lost my button.Have you seen my button?”
“Yeah,” I said thickly. “I know exactly where it is. Come with me and I’ll show you.”
I drove my father home and guided him to his bed.
“Sharon, Xander will be home soon,” he said as he laid his head on the pillow. “Let’s not fight, all right? I don’t want him to hear it. He’s so sensitive.”
I tucked him in, my heart heavy as I shut the door behind me. The time had come where what I could give my father and what he needed were diverging.
An hour later, I hung up the phone with Willow Glen Memory Care in Boston and set it on the kitchen table, strewn with invoices and bank statements. My laptop was open to our savings account. The idea of putting my father somewhere cheap was abhorrent. Willow Glen wasn’t cheap, but they had space for him. Now I just had to pay for it.
I put my head in my hands as a soft knock came at the door.
Emery stood on my porch, the falling twilight lining her in copper and gold. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in days.
“Hi,” she said in a watery voice.
“Hi.”
Her head bowed, and in two strides, I was holding her. She clung to me, her small body shaking with sobs.
“He killed himself,” she said into my sweater. “Grant. It wasn’t an accident. Jack told me, and now Jack’s gone too. He took his stuff, and he walked out and…”
Jesus, it doesn’t stop.
Emery’s words were lost in a flood of tears. I pulled her close, wishing I could somehow tuck her away inside my bones and keep her safe.
There is a way.
“Emery…”
She looked up at me. “I know this isn’t what you want. I don’t want it, either. Not like this. But now my dad’s talking about the new senator’s son. He’s older and wants to marry someone young and start having lots of babies right away.”
“Fucking hell…”
For a moment, I couldn’t see beyond the red haze that descended at the idea of another man touching her, using her, ignorant to all that she was—withher father’s blessing. But he couldn’t marry her off if she was already married.
I led her inside and sat with her on the couch.
“Where’s your dad?” she asked.
“Sleeping,” I said. “He sleeps a lot now, and whenever he wakes up, there’s less of him than there was before.”
“I’m so sorry, Xander.”
“He doesn’t want to leave this house. He throws a fit whenever I bring it up. He says he’s waiting for my mother to come back. I’m going to have to move him soon, and it’s going to be fucking awful.”
“I know,” she said. “You have to keep him close.”
“And you have to get away. You know that, right?”
She nodded and rested her head against my chest, and for a long while, we sat in the falling light. I’d thought she’d fallen asleep when she stirred.
“Your eulogy was beautiful.”
