Thousands of miles away from Xander. After he marries me…
I didn’t know it was possible to feel a hundred emotions—fear, hope, relief, sadness—all at the same time. It left me shell-shocked.
Ms. A drew the rest of the brochures and papers from the envelope. “As I predicted, your tuition assistance is almost nothing. Your federal loans might be restricted too, unless you can separate yourself from your parents’ income.” She sat down in the desk beside mine. “I know this might seem extreme, but is emancipation an option?”
“No,” I said. “But I have…another option. But it’s desperately wild and I…I don’t want my father to know anything about this.”
“He’ll have to know eventually,” she said gently. “You might benefit from telling him how you feel.”
“I will. With prom. Going to UCLA is just a backup plan.” I gathered the paperwork and put it back in the envelope. Stuffing it back in—taking it all back—because if my dad caught wind of what I’d done…
“Emery, are you all right?” Ms. Alvarez asked, alarmed now.
“I’m fine. Things just got very real.” I pushed the envelope back to Ms. A. “Please keep this for me. I probably won’t need it. In fact, I’m sure I won’t. My father will see what I’m capable of and it’ll be great. Really.”
“Emery…”
It was too much. The agony of leaving Xander finally rearing its head and adding to the abject terror of my dad knowing I’d applied somewhere besides Brown. That I had a plan to escape, that I’d marry a Bender to do it…
No! He doesn’t have to know. Nothing’s happened. Nothing’s changed.
I did what I do best: I pushed it all down and forced a smile. “Thank you for your help, Ms. A. I have to go. Thanks again. Thank you so much.”
And then I practically ran out the door and straight into Harper.
“What was that all about? You look terrified.”
“I’m fine,” I said, keeping my voice down as we headed to lunch. “I just…panicked a little.”
“Because…?”
“I got into UCLA.”
Harper stopped. “That’s amazing! Congrats!”
“No, it’s…nothing,” I said, walking fast.
“Nothing?” Harper hurried to catch up. “Em, talk to me.”
We were outside now, and she guided me to a bench near the front stairs. I told her everything that happened with Xander over the weekend.
“It was really perfect, Harper. He was so considerate and generous, but alsososexy…” I gave my head a shake. “More than that, we said we loved each other, and I’ve never been happier.”
“That sounds lovely. So what happened?”
“I could tell yesterday morning that it’s all starting to take a toll on him. And I just ran out the door because it scares me too. Getting into UCLA is another piece of my dream coming true, but the ideaof confronting my dad is terrifying. I keep hoping that he’ll come around and let me go to RISD and…”
“And you’ll be one big happy family?” Harper shook her head slowly.
“I know,” I said with a sigh. “When I think of California, it feels perfect. Except it’s exactly where Xander is not.”
Harper blew air out her cheeks, then put her arm around me. “I don’t know what to tell you, except that you have to be true to yourself. As much as you love Xander, you have to love and honor your own passions and dreams, or you’d just be living half a life. And I know him. He does not want that for you.”
I nodded. “He recognized my art even before I did.” I inhaled a breath. “But there’s still time. I don’t have to figure anything out right now.”
“You don’t have to rock the boat, you mean,” Harper said. “Em, you’re going to have to confront your father sooner or later.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
